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2008 has been one of the worst years. . . Ever. No, correction. The single worst year ever. But do ask what my plans are to ring in the New Year. Go ahead, ask.

I plan on sitting in my room, reading, or possibly sleeping. Because I'm sick. Not that I'd have plans anyway.
Tomorrow, I'm *supposed* to go to Steph's house for a sleepover with my best friends, and one friend who I finally realized is a terrible friend. But I might not. So my plans for tomorrow will be one of the following:
1. Going to the sleepover, as planned.
A. Probably being very angsty the whole time.
B. Probably being very uncomfortable the whole time.
C. Probably being very close with either Jess or Taylor or Sarah. Parties with a bunch of us at Steph's usually end up with me isolated. So I'll obnoxiously cling to them.

2. At Aunt Monica's, wishing I was at Steph's, because I hate missing out.
A. Probably feeling awkward.
B. Maybe angsty.
C. Maybe sickish.

3. At home, sick.
A. Probably upset.
B. Probably crying.

Why is my life so interesting.

Some New Year.
Hope yours is better than mine.

Home.

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood beneath a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

-Bella Swan, New Moon. By Stephenie Meyer

2709. Blocked

I needed a title. This is the number of blocks on my popup blocker.

It's the day after Christmas. This year was fairly insane and amazing. Since people always ask (To be polite, I'm not sure), I'll post my gifts:

-DVD player (!!!) for the TV in my room that only plays VHS tapes. I was pretty excited.
-Hangers. . .
-Jonas Brothers Tour Book.
-Just Listen, by Sarah Dessen
-Say Anything Movie soundtrack
-The Memory Keeper's Daughter
-A Great and Terrible Beauty
-Robert Pattinson: Eternally Yours
-A 16 gb Zune!!!
-North Face! Now I won't be so chilly during school all day. I think they're afraid to turn on the heat. . . ?
-Say Anything on DVD
-Pretty In Pink on DVD
-Some Kind of Wonderful on DVD
-Just One Of The Guys on DVD
-Can't Buy Me Love on DVD
-Taylor Swift's Fearless
-Coziest Sweatshirt EVER
-Money and gift cards
-Earrings
-Body spray
-Purple eyeshadow from my best friend!
-GORGEOUS WONDERFUL AMAZING PICTURE COLLAGE FROM MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

You could say I had a good Christmas. But that wouldn't begin to cover it.

I Am Myself, Like You Somehow. I'll Ride The Wave Where It Takes Me.

Currently in the midst of a ninety minute delay. However, I am not alseep. I thought I was going to be late to school this morning, because my fickle alarm clock did not wake me up. Turns out it was right, I could have slept for another well. . . Ninety minutes. But still, here I am. School's very stressful right now. There's so much going on. Let me run you through my schedule.
Now: (7:06 AM) Blogging, then attempting to tackle some history due tomorrow. I do not understand world history. Why should I care? I don't even understand this assignment. I have to write a children's story about the Ottoman Empire. I get choked up and frusterated and confused just *thinking about it*.
8:00- Heading to the bus in the freezing cold. Clearly, the roads will be bad, so of *course*, I have to walk up that hill. I hate my road.
Get To School: I have to run inside, Run to my locker, Run to my friend, Noelle's, locker, shove one of her cards in the slat, run to our English teacher, give him a presant to leave on her desk, attempt to get the rest of her schedule, and leave cards in various classes. Joy. . . But so worth it.
First Period- Gym. Gag. Enough said. And my massively sore throat will not help me to be a participating Handball player. I hate handball.
Second Period- I adore English class. It's the best. End.
Third Period- I have no idea what's occuring in Geometry. But I doubt I'll like it.
Fourth Period- GAG MODERN WORLD!!!! I think we're like starting our two day test. WHO GIVES A TEST ON THE TWO DAYS BEFORE BREAK?!!??!! My history teacher. Now she's not just boring, but evil as well.
Fifth Period- Bio, which I have already lamented about. I'm getting all tight throated thinking about it. When I get frusterated, or don't have stuff done, I cry. So today should be a *fun* day.
Sixth Period- History Quiz I missed! Wheeeee! I *love* missing my friend's birthday lunch to make up a quiz!!!!!
Seventh Period- French. Not that bad.
Eighth Period- Chorus. My favorite part of the day. We're playing Cell Phone Tag again. :]
So there we go. Off to write Little Red Riding Hood, Starring the Ottoman Empire.
. . . -_-

Okay. Good.

Well there's a beastly amount of snow on the ground. I like seasons in theory. I like the idea of snow, and the idea of fall and the idea of bundling up. In actuality, I *hate* winter and fall and the cold with a fiery passion. I hate when your shoes get wet from the snow and it makes your socks wet. I hate having to wear a jacket. I like shorts weather.
Another reason to hate snow is the snowday we had on Friday. I was *supposed* to bring my bio lab results home on Friday because I forgot them Thursday. Well, it's Sunday, I have a Lab Report due, you know, TOMORROW, and no Bio folder with no lab paper and no lab results. OKAY GOOD. So now, I'm all stressed out and I don't know what to do. I had even missed half of the lab because of one of my field trips, and the lab prep day for the other field trip, so I can't even go based off of memory.
*Sigh* I think my best bet may to be to E-Mail my bio teacher and tell her what happened and ask how many points I'll get off for turning it in late.
I *HATE* that.

We Only Ask To Love and To Be Loved

I feel strange not having blogged in God knows when. . . Because I know you're all dying to know every detail of my boring life.
Tonight is my Winter Concert. Supposedly the biggest concert of the season. Unfortunately that means no going to bed early for me:[
I have the most wretched cold, but I can't stay home because there's too much going on at school.
My English homework the other night was to do a definition of my town, to show rather than tell. Let's just say the claws came out when I described Dullsville. I'll post the whole thing later, but I'll give you a few key quotes:
"There is a constant sense of discomfort in Dullsville."
"The latest trend is suffering. The teenagers practice their best look of tortured angst in the mirror; They have nothing to complain about."
"The sidewalks here are often comparable to the conversation, leading to nowhere, and scarce, like the amount of intelligent conversation that isn't about Who Has The Best Jeans/Butt/Smile/Surgically enhanced nose/Boyfriend."
"Welcome to Dullsville, home of the Poseur, The Catty, and the Bratty. Hope you can take the heat."
Yes, I would say that the claws came out.
Tomorrow, I'm learning the audition song for our Musical, Godspell. I'm really nervous, because I always choke on auditions. . . Like really choke. It's really uncontrollable, too. My throat just squeezes shut, and I tell myself "It's only La (my teacher), It's only La" but I still manage to do TERRIBLY. I just hate knowing that I'll probably mess this up. And even if I do well, some of the Small Group girls will probably go and blow me out or the water.
Christmas is coming! Rather ironic holiday. Totally commercialized, it is no longer about Jesus, rather than a fat man in a red suit, giving gifts to everyone BUT the birthday boy (Which the 25Th isn't even his actual birthday, it's off), and we gather around trees that they didn't have in Bethlehem, throwing ourselves into fits of greed and vacationing, following the ringleader (said fat man in red suit) who rides around on an over sized sled, driven by a fictitious reindeer.
I think about this a lot.
Other than that, I've just been freezing and sick.

Wooh! We Have Stupid Marking Periods!

For this "semester thinger", my GPA is. . .

3.952!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

The Greatest Wealth is Health.

When and Where.

I'm too tired to find a quote better than that ridiculously corny one this morning. It's 7:38. I'm in the library at school with a major headache and a sore throat. And despite the fact that I both slept in and went to bed rather early, I'm fairly exhausted. It's not a pleasant feeling to have to be in school, but I really can't miss any days because I'll be missing two next week, due to field trips for chorus.

Current Happenings

Our first concert was last night, and we were pretty ferosh if I do say so myself. There's another concert Friday, if anyone would like to come see it *Hint Hint*, and one on Wednesday of next week.


There's not much to tell today. I'm having a cozy day, which basically means I look like a frump. You know, jeans and a sweatshirt that I just realized don't look at all right together. Oh well.

Ramblings and Other Things On My Mind

Nothing special has occured lately. Over the weekend, we had our first snow. I was at a party at Olivia's house. It was the best party ever. To all there, I have one thing to say: Brenda.

I don't have any idea what I'm getting anyone for Christmas, except for Steph and Zach, her brother. I've basically been notorious for bad gifts my entire life. I am the queen of lame.

I'm incredibly thirsty. It feels like someone poured sand down my throat right now, which isn't exactly the most pleasant feeling in the world.

I wonder what it's like to be a school librarian. All the librarians I've ever met have been cranky and mean. I have this theory that they just don't like kids, but they've heard the pay is okay (Lies), and they can squander in aisles of books all day if that's what they're into. Not quite as large as a town library, but still quiet and bookish. I hope I never become a librarian.

Lately, everyone's been asking me what I want to be when I grow up. I'd like to post here, for the record, I'M FIFTEEN. I ask you, did you know exactly what you wanted to be when you were fifteen, and if so, is that what you became? Doubtful. I assure you all, I have time.

Right now, I should be reading To Kill A Mockingbird. However, I have read it already and thoroughly enjoyed it. I should be fine.

I'm incredibly bored right now. I have nothing to write, and I do not wish to read this book. All I really want to do is go to the nurse and lie down on one of her vinyl cots for the rest of the day. But, as previously stated, that is not an option.

As an attempt to extend this post as long as possible, I'm switiching my days at the Elementary school from Tuesday and Thursday to just Thursday. As much as I enjoy it, I've been finding myself incredibly unmotivated to do anything lately.

Our footballl team won States. . . Weeeee.
How unfortunate that I don't care. But honestly, I don't understand the appeal of football. Throwing on padding and running around, tackling each other and grunting like neanderthals does not please me.
There's the bell.
Gotta jet

*Throws Up Everywhere*

Personal update:
Just got spit up alllll over. Oh yeah. It was mighty nasty.

I don't care what you say, I am not having my own kids. There will ALWAYS be someone who needs to be adopted.
Babies. Are. Gross.
Cute. But gross.

What A Stupid Lamb.

Mood: In love. . . With Edward Cullen.
Listening to: Jess in my ear. I wish it were Edward Cullen.
Wants: Lemonade and Edward Cullen



I believe you should be sensing a trend here. If you need a hint, I just laid on a granite floor, in order to get the feeling of Edward Cullen.
I am in love with a fictional character. Please, PLEASE help me.

Hairapy
Well, I have been right all these years when I decided it was best not to be impulsive. Because when I *was* impulsive, I chopped off three inches of my own hair. . . By myself.
It doesn't look bad, I just miss my "flowing locks" :[.

Boredom Is Not A State Of Mind, It's Where I Live
There is utterly nothing exciting to report. I bought my class ring, which is *soo* cute. This weekend is packed-ish. Friday is this Victorian Tea thing at Makenna's school, and my mom is selling her Pampared Chef stuff. Whee. (Sense the enthusiasm of drinking tea ((Which I don't like)), with a bunch of little kids and old people, and then selling cookware.) Saturday, I'm going to the mall with Jess and Steph to buy a black dress for chorus concerts. Apres ca, I have my first performance, which is just a town sing along tree lighting at the town park. Afterward, Taylor, Steph and I will be attending our Breaking Dawn Friend Olivia's Sweet Sixteen. It should be awesome, and I'll get to meet lots of new people.
Not much else to report, but if you get a chance, look up some Spunk Ransom.
That would be my boyfriend.
His name is Robert Pattinson.

I Caught Myself. Paramore.

My second favorite song on the Twilight soundtrack.
I'm singing to it right now. It's quite enjoyable. I love that movie so much. Except stupid Kristen Stewart. EPIC FAIL, that's what she was.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I have an epic nothingness of things to say. Currently I am grooving to Supermassive Black Hole by Muse. I really love Muse. I'm wearing a yellow sweatshirt. It's obnoxiously lemon colored. I love it. Currently I'm thinking of future plans. I'm also thinking which class ring I want. Correction. I know which one I want, I'm just thinking about it. This is the one I want:


Isn't it just gorgeous? Haha, I know.
This is my dress for the Ring Dance. Just as a BTW. And because I love showing it off.

So yeah. I don't know what else to say and Karleigh basically wants me to get off.

Random Ramblings and Musings 1

I don't understand Thanksgiving.
It's kind of like "Okay kids, let's celebrate how the Native Americans all got smallpox because the Pilgrims gave them infected blankets (or something of that nature), and then they all decided to teach each other how to fish and grow corn, by devouring this harmless turkey that could be frolicking through the woods with its turkey friends, but instead is on our dinner table! Oh, and then we'll force you to learn and relearn about the pilgrims and make you stare at pictures of a rock that's NOT GOING ANYWHERE! Isn't this swell?!"
Yes. That's what Thanksgiving is to me. Now, I'm no History buff, but I have a feeling the Native Americans weren't too happy with the fact that a bunch of people from another country just like popped into their homes, gave them diseases that they hadn't had to worry about before, and then asked them how to survive. But hey, they managed to get a three day party out of it. Whoopee.

Things That Confuse or Frighten Me About Thanksgiving:

1. Why do we celebrate by eating untill we all end up in a turkey coma? And also, why are there no holidays for vegetarians? Thanksgiving, you focus around the turkey. Christmas and Easter are ham. Where's National Veggie Burger Appreciation Day? I demand answers.
2. Roanoke freaks me out beyond belief. The fact that an entire colony of people are just GONE?! DUDE! What happened? Cannibolistic angry Native Americans? Rabid squirrels? Either way, I'm pretty scared.
3. Why do we celebrate by eating? It seems like more of a drag to me. You have to get all dressed up and clean and make a huge amount of food so that you can sit there and eat and then it's over. Seriously? That's all? No presents? No egg hunt? LAME.
4. That feeling when everyone's done eating SUCKS. It's like you're all just sitting there, and you've finished eating in like fifteen minutes, and you look around and laugh nervously. . . It's just garbage. End of story.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that this holiday kind of bites. Bring on the Black Friday (As if I can actually go out.)

I Am Outcast

Currently I have nothing to blog about, other than the fact that I spent this entire day in my pajamas. I did absolutely nothing productive, other than clean my room and wash my bedding.
Currently, my friends and I are trying to work out a trip to New York City around Winter Break, because I want to see Billy Elliot so badly it makes me want to cry. However, we need a parental chaperon, or someone of that nature. If anyone would like to escort ten intelligent, responsible teenagers to New York, and get a great Broadway show out of it, please let me know. (Insert puppy dog pout here).

My English class just finished reading Speak by the talented Laurie Halse Anderson. As if I haven't read that novel sixty times already. Melinda's incredible cynicism never gets old to me. My English teacher asked us if we thought the novel is different in the perspectives of male and female readers. I wholeheartedly say Yes. Think about it. This is my only comment on the topic.

I have absoutely nothing to report. I suppose I'll make a list of things I am thankful for.

1. I suppose I should start with the obvious: My friends, my family, my health.

2. I'm even more thankful to my friends who have listened to my ramblings and musings at all hours, whenever I need them. I don't know where I'd be without you guys. A special thanks to:
-Jess K, my Big Sister schnuggle head. You always give me the best advice. I definately know that certain people in my life wouldn't be there if it weren't for your instructions to take risks.
-Jess F, my crazy schnuggs. It's with you that I know I can always be myself; My crazy, dancing, crumping, singing, wild self.
-Taylor, for just always getting what I'm saying. For obsessing over Twilight and other books with me.
-Kevin, for always explaining things I don't understand, and being okay with it when I still don't get it. For talking me through all of my problems, technical or not.
-Scrib, my Margie, for always listening to me. For helping me start to plan this incredible New York Trip!
-Sarah, my Harry Potter. For knowing me since my awkward years and still staying friends with me. For still going out in public with me.
-Meggles, for always listening to what I have to say. That's all I could ever ask for.
-Steph, last but not least. For being my best friend.
If you're not on here, you probably don't read this, or you are entitled to one full post dedicated entirely to you.
3. I am incredibly thankful for Stephenie Meyer, for writing Twilight, creating Edward Cullen, and sending my sanity down the drain.
4. The same goes for Sarah Dessen. Macon Faulkner ruined me.
5. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Jonas, The Pattinsons, and parents of every other Attractive Person to grace my walls. Just thank you. Now I'm officially crazy.
6. I'm thankful for my music. I don't know where I'd be without Jakeward, my iPod.

So yes. Those are my priorities. Family, friends, music, TWILIGHT TWILIGHT TWILIGHT! In no particular order, of course.
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. I plan on sleeping in and being thankful for pillows.

Most Men Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation and Go To The Grave With The Song Still In Them.

Perhaps you don't know me. I figured that since this is a blog available to anyone who can get to it, I should probably address the fact. Perhaps you think you know me, when really, like most, you don't. So, for these purposes, I decided I should make a list of One Hundred Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me.

1. I like to start with the basics.
2. My name is Jessica Danielle.
3. Most people call me Jess. Usually, they don't ask. I don't mind.
4. I would be more impressed if you asked me what I'd like to be called.
5. I'm afraid of almost anything.
6. No, it is not at all funny to me that I am terrified of frogs, other fast moving animals, the dark, worms, snakes, masks, most dolls, heights. . .
7. I am a vegetarian.
8. Most of the time, I hate when people ask me why. But to sum it up, it's better for me, the environment, and animals. There are other reasons, but that's all you're getting out of me.
9. I am incredibly indescicive.
10. I am often annoyed incredibly easily.
11. Usually, I won't say anything about it, just imagine myself saying something, and how it would play out.
12. I live in my imagination.
13. By this, I mean that I am often afraid to say or do many things, so I act them out like watching a movie in my mind. It sounds insane, but I like it.
14. When people ask me to tell them something about myself, I say that I'm one of five kids, dispersed across the globe.
15. I let my family define who I am, because the fact that I am the oldest of five really is who I am.
16. I am constantly singing or humming.
17. I like music. Sue me.
18. I bite my nails.
19. It's probably because I'm constantly stressed.
20. I have a closet full of clothes, and amazingly, nothing to wear. '
21. I take pride in my appearance because I know people will judge me no matter what happens.
22. I don't follow an organized religion, I just have a lot of beliefs.
23. I fail at Solitaire.
24. I'm incredibly sensitive. It's almost ridiculous.
25. I love weird things on Google.
26. Post Secret is the highlight of my week.
27. I hate school.
28. Don't ask me why. Chances are you either don't really care, won't get it, or I just plain don't want to tell you.
29. I love new school supplies.
30. I enjoy singing loudly, all the time.
31. I believe that music should be allowed in the classroom.
32. Maybe then I wouldn't be so on edge during my classes.
33. I'm incredibly quirky.
34. I love making people laugh.
35. I love people who make me laugh even more.
36. I'm ridiculously ticklish.
37. I tend to giggle when I laugh.
38. I hate my handwriting.
39. I love taking pictures.
40. I love to act. I'm at the point where I start to crave it.
41. Confession: When I'm alone in my room, I lock the door and pick up a book, reading and acting it aloud as if it's a monologue.
42. I love making lists.
43. I love my Vitamin Water. Take it away from me, and I will hurt you.
44. I like painting my nails black.
45. I also like seeing people of earlier generations' reactions to my black nails and eyeliner. They go nicely with plaid ballet flats and hair ribbons.
46. I like big purses.
47. I love high heels, yet can barely walk in them.
48. I am clumsy to the point where I count the amount of klutz-induced injuries I have per day, and end up needing two hands.
49. I don't care what you think, I love Perez Hilton.
50. I really like blogs.
51. Degrassi is my favorite show.
52. It makes me want to go to Canada more than I can even tell you.
53. I say "Basically" "Like" and "Creepin/Creeper" entirely too much.
54. My mind is always going entirely too quick for my own good.
55. I am a hopeless romantic.
56. I cry during 85% of the movies I see.
57. I like being called cute.
58. But only sometimes.
59. Confession: I find tattoos and lip rings incredibly attractive. I don't know why. But I do know that I about tackled the guy at Spirit with the lip ring. It's a problem.
60. I can't wait for the day when I see "Life Partner Baribe" or "Alternative Life Style Ken", because I believe that my generation is SO much more open minded about these things.
61. As much as I hate my generation now, when we grow up, we'll do great things. I can feel it.
62. I love quotes, in case you haven't noticed.
63. I secretly like awkward moments.
64. A very good friend of mine once told me that miracles can only come from risks.
65. Now, I take many more risks. I haven't had my miracle yet, but it's coming.
66. I have a lot of secrets.
67. Sometimes, I have to dance it out. Because I forget everything.
68. I want to get out of this town so incredibly badly.
69. I can never get enough sleep.
70. I frequently fight with my sister.
71. I wish we could be friends.
72. When I'm home alone, I sing really loudly because I'm afraid.
73. I love hugs more than I can even describe.
74. I love when people hold my hand.
75. When I start laughing, I can't stop.
76. I frequently walk into poles.
77. And door frames.
78. I love my grandparents.
79. I can go from so angry I'm throwing things, to bouncing off of the walls happy, to in tears in a matter of minutes.
80. I love to walk, and I wish I didn't live in this stupid town with no sidewalks so I could walk everywhere.
81. Sometimes, the things people say horrify me.
82. Usually I don't say anything.
83. Now I will.
84. "Dat" is not a word.
85. I hate when people use IM speak. TALK REGULARLY.
86. I love strange facts.
87. Sometimes, I just wish people would tell me what they're really thinking.
88. I love finding strange connections in the time.
89. For example, it's 8:38. There are two eights, and one three. Two (the number of eights) times three is six. Eight minus six equals two (the number of eights). See?
90. Sometimes, I just wish people would notice me.
91. I love to people watch.
92. I love accents.
93. At the moment, I feel like my head's going to explode.
94. I use this blog often to write letters to people I'm mad at. I'm going to start sending them.
95. I'm starting to figure out that being fearless is not the absense of fear, it's taking risks.
96. I think I want to be fearless.
97. All I really like to drink is juice.
98. I like to get dressed up. But usually I have no place to go.
99. It's 8:57.
100. I'm exhausted.

Now That I'm Sitting Here Thinking It Through, I've Never Been Anywhere Cold As You.

Well, I did it. I saw Twilight last night. It was amazing. I don't even know what else to say. I was basically shaking the entire two hours. Robert Pattinson is a beautiful creature. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Pattinson, for having such an amazing son. Really, THANK YOU.

In other news, I have found myself in the home of confusion in which I typically inhabit. I've been thinking a lot about everything. I've learned a lot lately. Not in school, but those excellent lessons that you learn on your own, and when they strike you, it's one of those moments where you just nod and say "Ohhhhhhhh".

Learnings Of My Life So Far:

-Nothing, or no one, is perfect.
-No matter what I do, it's not going to be right for someone, or someone's going to judge me. Recently I learned that sometimes, you have to stop worrying about other people, because you live for yourself.
-I've spent my entire life changing myself for other people. But now, I know that the only people who are worth being around are the ones who love me no matter how crazy I am.
-The people in my life are not perfect. However, if I did not have these people, and the baggage that comes with them, I would not know half of what I know today. I would not be half of who I am.
-No matter who you are in this town, no matter how long you've lived here, you're a Typical Dullsvillian. You go on exotic vacations. You don't understand why people are homeless; Can't they just ask Mommy and Daddy for money?! No matter how much of an individual you think you are, you must be individual in a group. Not everyone is this extreme, but there is a trace of TD in everyone. It must be in the water. I refuse to drink the water.
-People will always judge you. It's a reflex. It's uncontrollable, like a heartbeat.
-It really is a harsh world out there. Hi!School is this magnified, combined with a teaspoon of fake happiness and a pinch of hormones. Shake well and drink up.

We're reading Speak in English class. I've only read it half a million times. I'm running low on reading material. I'm finishing my last book from Steph, so untill Christmas, Twilight (Which I've read around thirty seven times by now), rereads and other class books will have to hold me over untill then.
Dream on.

I somehow went over my minutes last month. I don't even know how it happened, but now I'm terrified it'll happen again. Oh, how I love the feeling of uneasiness.

I had started writing a story. I have the entire thing mapped out in my mind, yet only a chapter done that I wrote weeks ago. I simply cannot motivate myself. The spark is gone.
I need to find a way to be inspired in this dreary, insipid town. . . Like that'll ever happen.

IT'S TIME!

OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
IT'S TODAY. TWILIGHT IS TODAY.
I don't think you could comprehend how excited I am. I have so much energy I could jump on my bed. I'm practically shaking. Because I, Jessica Danielle, am going to be staring at the most beautiful man on the face of the planet, for around two hours tonight at midnight, during the movie of my life.
Yes. Robert Pattinson. Yes, Twilight.

Do you see him there? I LOVE THAT MAN.
Okay, so basically I'm a little obsessed. Robert is currently emblazoned across my shirt. And I have Vamp fangs in my room (Even though Twilight vamps don't have fangs, it's all in fun.)
I AM SO PUMPED. OW OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes. I did just scream.
Anyway. Before I get too carried away, I'm going to go run around my house screaming at the top of my lungs.

I Never Paint Dreams or Nightmares. I Only Paint My Own Reality -Frida Kahlo

I had a nightmare last night. One of the ones where you wake up, and your eyes spring open, and you're afraid to move, because if you look behind your shoulder, what you're afraid will be there is going to be there, staring you in the face.
In the dream, I was a middle-aged mother of two girls. I had dark, short hair and no face (I can never see faces in dreams. It bothers me immensely.). I had just taken in another child, a little boy with short dark hair, and no name. For reasons of which I am not sure, I decided to name him Jesus. This struck me (The real me, not my dream self) as odd, because I'm not extremely religious. Anyway, Jesus and I were on a school bus with my husband (Who looked like the man from Rosanne. Gag) and my two daughters. Suddenly, I was watching my dream self, outside of my body, when something, a small devilish nymph thing started tugging on my hair (Strangely enough, my head is very sore this morning). I was screaming for help, but no one could hear me. We got to wherever it was we were headed to, and it was some type of fall festival.
Everyone in the town despised Jesus (So you know, it's very odd typing Jesus and not meaning Jesus Christ). I wasn't sure why. We were having a good time, and I was trying to socialize Jesus when everyone started circling around us. Their eyes turned red and they were saying that I had to choose between sacrificing Jesus or myself. I didn't want to die, but I knew I shouldn't sacrifice the boy. I was still outside of my body, shouting at myself not to let them take him. Suddenly, it was as if I had this revelation, like the kid actually WAS Jesus, incarnated or something, and I was living in a town of Satan incarnates. It was bizarre.
So, they took Jesus away, and they killed him, as I (The me outside my body) screamed in protest. My hair was being tugged on in all sorts of directions. Suddenly, we were in the same barn, and I was walking. I turned to look at my outer body self, and smiled, my eyes turning red like everyone else's. I finally realized that my out of body self was the only real me, because they had killed both Jesus and myself.
As I said, it was a very strange dream. Curious, this morning I looked up dream translations.
Jesus, The Child, represents a new phase in my life. How the child fares represents how this shange will fare.
The Death, represents change, usually dramatic and major. It also symbolizes confronting fear, usually of change or death. Sometimes they do symbolize an actual threat of some sort, or death.
People portrayed in dreams are often a reflection of your own traits.

So, I'm going to enter a very bad part of my life, and I will either be forced to confront my fear of death or change, I may be threatened or actually die, and I'm an evil person.

I think it's time I found a hobby.

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These

Waking up this morning thinking it was Saturday was a rude awakening. It was not Saturday. It was Friday, and I was running late. . . About an hour and a half late but who's counting? One of the reasons I am okay with Spirit Week is that I always have an outfit. So I after landing flat on my face getting out of bed, I just hopped into knee socks and my banana yellow hoodie.

Pep rally is the one time of year where boys can dress as women and be okay with it. Notice the comparison between "Boys" and "Women". I am a firm believer that most boys are about two years mentally behind most girls. We move back at least five pegs on the evolutionary calender, dressing up and shouting. This is my only comment on Pep Rally.

Seeing as the people who read this blog are all old enough to understand the following concept, I figured I would post this. It's a survey I took recently entitled "Twenty Five Controversial Questions". I enjoy having an opinion. I honestly do. I like that I have the mental capacity to not only form opinions, but support them as well. Like most, I am frusterated when people don't understand my reasoning behind things, but these are just things I believe. Instead of posting as a survey, I'm going to post a topic and discuss my opinion of these things. As you can tell, I have a lot to say, and this will be a long post. I hope you enjoy reading it, or at least read it for kicks. Here goes nothing.

Legalization of Meth and Other Illegal Drugs:
Drugs are stupid. This sounds like a very juvenile comment, I'm sure, but they are. Honestly, teenagers today have the knowledge of the effects drugs have on you. I don't know if I'm just the only one who listens in Health class or what occurs, but these things mess with your brain. Am I the only one who sees the WRONG in that. Your brain holds so many memories, so much knowledge, so many thoughts. Why would you ever want to toy with that? What is so appealing of walking around in a daze? Honestly, I do not understand.

Abortion:
Abortion overall, I find very wrong. It's incredibly circumstantial. There are very specific conditions in which I find this condonable. One, for example, is rape *ahem, Sarah Palin, ahem*. If you did not make the CHOICE to have sex, why should you be put into a position you know you're not ready for? Girls are going through puberty earlier and earlier. There are nine year old girls who are physically ready for a child, but we would NEVER saddle them with a baby. And, if you were raped, imagine the pain of looking at your baby and remembering. Another time I could ever understand an abortion is when you don't know you're not physically fit for a baby. If a woman thinks she is going through menopause and then is pregnant, she should not be forced to carry a baby. She's clearly older and it's not fair to neither her nor the child. Also, if you have some kind of communicable disease that could be given to the child that you didn't know about. If you find out you have AIDS when you're pregnant, it's probably best to not have your baby. When a baby is simply not "convienient" for you (See Upper East Side mothers who do not wish to ruin their figure), that's really not fair. You don't know who your child could grow up to be. And in the words of Su-Chin, from Juno, "Your baby has fingernails, you know!"

Female Presidents:
This is also circumstantial. If the woman was an idiot, then no. But just because she is a woman, does not mean she will fail. Women are perfectly capable of running a country, thank you.

The Death Penalty:
No. Wishing anyone to die is wrong.

Premaratial Sex:
It varies from person to person. If you're willing to deal with the concequences, then that's your decision.


Same Sex Marraige and Prop 8:
Yes. Marriage is not defined by what some people think is "right", it's about love. It's cliche, but we really are all the same, we just love different people. Embrace it.

Alcohol Age Lowered To Eighteen:
Personally, I see no desire to drink. Teenagers drink anyway, they will no matter what the law is.

Assisted Suicide:
It depends on the situation. If a person is in an unbearable amount of pain, they shouldn't be forced to suffer. But they should also consider their family.

Spanking Children:
No. Why should they have to be physically punished? They're kids, they don't know any better.

McCain Versus Obama:
I honestly had no idea with this one. I wasn't particularly fond of anyone.

Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves ?
This vaguely reminds me of The Scarlet Letter. . . But I honestly don't know. I can see where people are coming from, but I can't imagine the shame.

Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Yes. But people can think of me however they want. I stopped caring when I came to terms with the fact that people are always going to judge me.

And I Was There When You Said "Forever And Always".

Today was another day filled with stupid, unnecessary, teenage drama. A supposed "fight" in Cafe C that never happened (They never do. And violence is stupid anyway.) There's nothing exciting about watching two idiot stoner-males punch each other in the face, where they then proceed to walk away with suspensions, punching each other chummily (Is that even a word?) in the arm, and laughing like Beevis and Butthead.
People of my age sicken me sometimes.
Sometimes I'm glad I live in my own little book world. There are no stupid teenage boys or annoying, dramatic girls. Sometimes I wish I lived in Forks, with Edward Cullen and Jacob Black and all of the Cullens, Hales, and Quileutes. They're supremely wonderful.

Tomorrow is Costume Day of Spirit Week. Spirit Week is the week of Homecoming, where we all have lots of fun dress up days to "Display our school spirit" *Insert Smarmy wink and thumbs up*, when in actuality, we just want an excuse to have fun and wear something different. We want a reason to cut up our Hanes mens tee shirts and write on our faces. To wear our Halloween costumes to school and pretend we actually like each other. And then we go to the Pep Rally, which we enjoy merely because our classes are shortened. We head to the football game in our warmest clothing chocked full of school Spirit Spirit Spirit (!), and cheer for our team. And whether we lose or win we "party it up" scantily clad, and dance with people whose faces we can barely see.

Such a party it is here. I'm so glad I might be going to Jess' party instead. They're my second family. And also civilized company.
:]

Come Feel This Magic I've Been Feelin Since I Met You

Right now, I'm listening to the new Taylor Swift album, Fearless. It's so singable, I can't help myself. My favorite songs are "Hey Stephen" and "I Heart Question Mark". My family's probably growing very fed up, very quickly listening to my miniture cuontry jam session I have going right now. Not that I care, at all. It's pretty freezing here. Wait, that's a huge understatement. It's VERY freezing here. I've been sitting around Picniking (picture editing), reading, singing. . . the usual.
The neighbors just got here with dinner. I think band practice is over for the day.

Hold Up, Wait A Minute, Put A Little Love In It

Remember when it was raining really, REALLY hard and you saw some idiot walking in it? Remember how you laughed at their unfortunate situation, their soaked through pants, the lakes of water in their shoes?
Yeah. That was me.
I had such a bad day today, I can't even tell you. I got amazing sleep last night, but I woke up at 4:30 because I had a ridiculous nightmare, and ebven though I wanted SO badly to get back to sleep, I couldn't allow my eyes to keep closing, because I would drift back to nightmares. So, I read for a while.
I got to school, which was a bad day in itself.
My "friend" and I are kind of on thin ice at the moment. There were a few questionable things they deny profusely, while I still have my doubts. And today, I was going to re-confront them, and alas, they weren't in school.
I roamed the halls about to pass out I was so exhausted all day. I literally almost fell asleep in all of my classes, AND Big Brother/Big Sister.
However, my walk home in the pouring rain did a FABULOUS job of waking me up. My lovely fuzzy slippers are now soaked through and probably ruined, as is my French book, which will be a bear to deal with.
And finally, I just got back from being stabbed and injected with fluid that I'm supposed to believe is going to magically prevent me from getting the flu.
If Karleigh tells me I have an attitude one more time, I'm punching her in the needle wound.

Well, here we are.
At approximately 12:17 (I can't remember exactly), Jake Robert was born. He was 7lbs 10 oz. And pretty freakin adorable, if I do say so myself.
I had a cold, so in order to hold him, I had to wear one of those medical masks. Oh, the joys of my life. Here's some pictures. (And Mom, if you're reading this, these are MEMORIES, and you look fine.)

Hello, World.

Funny how things happen. I finally went to bed last night, at around 10:30 or 10:00, something like that. I was sitting in bed, reading my vampire books (Thank you, Twilight), when all of the sudden my mother, ready to pop, walks into my room and announces that she's going to the hospital.
And I about peed my pants.
I grabbed my phone, and called Steph, my best friend, and we had a very rousing discussion, consisting of the word "Baby!" being said over and over.
And now, at 7:58 this morning, the baby is not born yet, despite the fact that they left at 11:00 last night. I made my calls, and now I'm just here, waiting for when I can go see this baby.
I hope they let me hold it, even though I'm sick.

There's A Beauty In Walking Away

In around three hours, my mother will have passed her official "due date". It's weird to think that for nine months, there's been a person living inside her. In fact, it kind of freaks me out that any day now, there's going to be another person in this world, and we'll be related, and he'll be my brother. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it.
I'm sick right now, with a cold. I can hear my dogs barking in the next room. My eyes are stinging from staying up late at Steph's last night, but I can't manage to fall asleep yet. I think I'll probably end up reading all night. I really don't want to go to school on Monday. I'm almosthoping that mom has the baby on Monday morning, in which case I could totally stay home from school.
I wish it was November 21st. Only twentyish more days untill I go with the Steph to the movies at Midnight of November 19th to see the Twilight Movie! Two straight hours of Robert Pattinson? How will I handle that?! He's currently the background of my phone. I'm so excited to say that I was one of the first people to see it. So I hope it's good.
I suppose the only reason I'm writing this is because I'm procrastinating on going to bed. I'm waiting for someone to message me. But I guess all the subliminal messaging in the world isn't going to start a conversation for me.

Pictures

These have been long since overdue.
First: That's my best friend. I don't know about her.
Second: That's my face. Yeah. . .
Third: I question my sanity.
Fourth: My amazing school picture. This is a first and last, people.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger- Daft Punk:]

Did a boy or a girl to text you last?
Boy- Ethan
What is the last thing you said out loud?
"Bye, Love!" Because Sarah had to get ready for guard practice and get off the phone, and I like to think I'm British.
Name something exciting you are doing tomorrow?
School. Gag me with a spoon. Making cookies for my little friends!
Are you currently waiting on any tattoos or piercings?
Not right now, but maybe someday I'll want a tattoo.
Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?
Yes, because people text me at weird hours, and I hate it.
What were you doing at noon today?
Sitting at the Be Drug Free Table!
Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
My entire generation.
Is there someone you will never forget?
Yes, I generally don't forget people.
When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong?
I suppose I shouldn't have used such a smart-mouthy answer yesterday.
Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
Steph. Sarah. Jess.
Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
Nope. For once:]
When's the last time you laughed really hard?
Phone with Sarah!
Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
Probably.
Is anyone on your bad side now?
Generally, there usually is.
Where were you friday night?
Home.
Do you have plans for today?
Singing. Studying.
Is there anyone you trust who you shouldn't?
I don't think so. Maybe. I'll need to think about specific people.
Do you think you're smart?
It depends. I don't think I'm smart, but I don't think I'm stupid.
Do you have unlimited texting?
Yes.
Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
Definately.
Have you ever talked back to a teacher?
No.
What's the funniest thing you've heard today?
That would be confidential information.
Looking forward to the next couple months?
No.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
In a heartbeat.
What are you saving your money up for right now?
Clothes. Steph's Christmas and birthday presants even though she's LEAVING ME.
Have you changed this year?
I haven't changed, I've finally become aware of the stupidity that is Brookfield.
Would you kill someone for a million dollars?
No. I could never kill a person. I don't even like to think about killing animals.
If you had enough money what would you buy?
A lot of things. I would donate, as well.
Can you fight?
That is a dumb question. Violence is idiotic, and never solves anything.
Who can't you stand?
Ignorant brats.
How's your heart?
Beating.
What do you want right now?
Many things.
How old do most people usually guess you are?
It depends where I am.
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Sarah Michelle.
Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
No. That would be stupid.
What will you be doing in a half hour?
Singing. Vacuming.
Who is the last person you texted?
Sarah Michelle.
Do you have any plans for Christmas?
Same as usual.
Are you going anywhere next summer?
I hope so.
Are you shy?
From time to time.
Are you a talkative person?
Outrageously.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Did you ask me this?
How late did you stay up last night and why?
9:30/10:00. I had school.
Do you prefer to call or text?
Call.
Can you live a day without TV?
Easily.
How many months are there until your birthday?
Nine.
Are you ashamed of your past?
I'm ashamed of my past stupidity.
Who were you with Friday night?
Nobody.
Do you ride rollercoasters?
Yes.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Negatory.
What were you doing at 10 last night?
Sleeping.
Do you have any enemies?
No.
How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
It depends.
Think back a year, what was your favorite song?
Probably something weird.
What should you be doing right now?
Vacuming I suppose. I'll get it done eventually.
Starbucks or Cold Stone?
Starbucks.
Have you ever met a gay person?
Yes. Many.
Do you have a favorite soft drink?
Ginger Ale.

I Just Can't Belong to Anybody Else Right Now

Currently, the time is 6:17. A.M. And I'm dressed, hair and makeup done, ready for school. Sickening, isn't it? Right now I'd like to report on my weekend, before this feeling of butterflies leaves the pit of my stomach. I'm thourghly enjoying it. This feeling where you're just so incredibly HAPPY, nothing can get me down. Not the fact that I got very little sleep last night, not the fact that I was, and still am, on the verge of puking, and not even the fact that even though I'll miss her LOADS, Taylor's leaving me all too soon! No, because I'm feeling pretty good.
Who knew so many people could enter your life in one weekend. I finally had a much needed talk with one of my best friends. Things are so good I could sing. In fact, I am.

Miss Always Invisible

There isn't really much to say today.
-I basically spend my days finding the weirdest ways to become injured. Like sitting on a pin in chorus. Or hitting myself in the head on my locker. Story of my life right there.
-Last night, I accidentally put my shoe in the washing machine. It was pretty weird.
-I finally bought my Halloween costume. I'm a mouse.
-I found this artist Marie Digby. I'm basically obsessed with her music. This blog is one of her song titles. She's amazing.
There isn't much to report.
I've just been spending my time working on my story and trying not to go insane.
That's about all.

Updates.

Sorry, no clever title for you today. Here's just a list of updates, things that have happened over. . . today.
-I started writing my story. I don't know if it's a book or what, but I suppose it's halfway decent. I can't really describe it yet, because whenever I do, it sounds too dark. Maybe I'll post it someday.
-Made the mistake of throwing on whatever was closest to me this morning. Froze ALL day.
-I had a massive headache all last night and into all today. It was rather dreadful. My one request is can we PLEASE turn down the sun?
-It's getting cold to the point of insanity. This is my only comment.
-I started getting my halloween costume ready. So far it's between a fairy and a pirate. Hmmm. . .
-3.883!!!!! My only comment. . .

The Votes Are In!

Report Card came today.
Gym: A-
Health: A
English: A
Geometry: A
History: B- (It's Modern World. If it were American History, that would be an A+. Or else I'd get a swift kick in the shin by a certain uncle.)
Biology: A
French: B+
Special Chorus: A+

FOr a grand total of. . .
GPA- 3.883!
Is it just me, or should this DEFINATELY be rounded to a 3.9?
Whatever. I did fabulous. Please hold your applause.

We're All On The Same Roller Coaster, Just In Different Seats.

As promised, I am sitting here at my computer, attempting to write a blog that isn't angry and bitter, per usual. Already I'm starting to sense that this is going to be like cotton candy; light, airy, yet not at all filling. Hopefully that won't be the case.
You know that feeling where you're on the verge of peeing your pants? Hopefully you do, because this is how I spent my Saturday night. On Saturday morning, I dragged myself out of bed, threw some clothes on, and trudged to my PSATs. Can you say EPIC FAIL? Because then, you'll have my scores.
I got home, threw clothes into a bag, and then headed off to Six Flags with Uncle Rob and Kelly. After spending an hour or so in the car, we finally got there. Now, when I say that it was cold, I'm not kidding. I'm currently kicking myself for not bringing my winter coat. We walked (or shall I say waddled? We were pretty bundled.)around, rode a ride, and then waited an hour and a half in line for ONE ride. Longest wait of my entire life for thirty or so seconds of shivering and being thrown around in a warm plastic seat. Which, frankly, skeeved me out a little. It was freezing outside. I'm not sure I want to know why that seat was so warm. Anyway. . . Going into my first actual Haunted House was pretty nervewracking. I was probably more terrified of peeing my pants than I was of the actual house. Untill we went in and realized that it was garbage, that is. Basically picture rubbery limbs, glow-in-the-dark paint, and underpaid young adults in ridiculous layers of makeup, screaming and jumping out at you. Not to say that I didn't scream or anything. Because I did, seeing as I am a total scaredy cat. Then, we made our way over to the *scary sound affects and spooky spirit fingers* Wicked Woods *dun dun dun*. To be completely honest, it was pretty scary. I thought Karleigh was going to cry for a minute in the begining. Thankfully she didn't. After it was over, however, it left you with one of those unsatisfied feelings. One where you definately thought there was going to be a lot more to it, so then you were paranoid that it wasn't over, and that any minute, someone was going to grab your ankles, or attack you with a chain saw. Or maybe it was just me. . .
Now, if you've ever been on a roller coaster, you know about that sinking, empty, Oh, my God I'm going to fly out of this and land on the ground in a giant splat feeling. Well multiply that by one thousand, and shake rapidly to get Superman. Eighty miles an hour + Freezing cold + Pitch darkness = Insanity. And me screaming at the top of my lungs. Whichever you prefer. I would like everyone to please note that while I was screaming so loud that they could most likely hear me in China, Karleigh sat stone faced. She made me feel like a complete idiot. But I suppose that's okay. Because isn't that what it's all about anyway? Waiting in line for hours, screaming your head off and embarrassing yourself, and then wanting to get in line and do it all again.
Hmm. Well now here I am again. At then end of another blog post with nothing to say. So I guess I'll just say . . .
At least nobody piddled!

Why The Past Tense Makes Me Tense

Or, Things I Don't Like About French Class.

1. The passe compose (or past tense for all of you English speakers), clearly stresses me out. Each day is a gift. Why else would they call it the present?! So why, inventors of the French language, must you have such a difficult concept of past tense? Why? Do you enjoy seeing me fail!? Clearly you must.
2. Vocabulary is often about things that are pointless and/or stupid. An entire section of car vocab? Really? I DON'T CARE HOW YOU SAY HOW TO CHANGE THE OIL! I CAN'T EVEN DRIVE YET!
3. There are way too many ways to say one simple phrase. Can't we just keep it simple for the more simple minds, like myself?
4. Accents confuse me more than I can explain to you. Aigu? Really? Now does that point to the left or the right? Oh wait. . . IT FACES BOTH WAYS!
5. Grammar is ridiculous. Imparative? Seriously? I can barely speak English correctly!

Okay. Now that I got that off my chest. I'm not going to lie. I spent my entire day going to class. I just wasn't really there. I spent my day writing poetry. Most of which sucked, but whatever. It was quite wonderful. I also composed many notes that I plan on never sending.
All in all, I'd say it was a productive day.
:]

Poverty Is The Worst Form Of Violence- Ghandi

Today, as you may note to the link at the bottom of this post, is Blog Action Day. Seeing as I am fully obsessed with blogging (in case you couldn't tell), and because Kevin basically made me feel like a monster for not posting (because I didn't know about it!), I'm posting today. This year's theme is poverty. To be honest, I don't even know what to say. Poverty seems so wrong to me. I find it completely unnecessary. If your brother was left without a home, would you not offer him a place to stay? If so, why are there so many people in this situation all over the world today? How are they left without food for themselves? What brought them to this? I cannot comprehend how anyone can allow their family or friends to live this way. I'm not saying to run to New York and grab as many homeless people as you can find, I'm just saying that. . . everyone knows at least one person in this world. The people we have without money or shelter or food . . . I don't understand how someone can be forced to live this way. All I can think is "Where is their family? How do we allow this?"

When I think of violence, I think of anything that could possibly hurt someone. By allowing people to starve, to live on street corners, in crowded shelters, we are ultimately hurting them. We are allowing these people to starve. What makes me the most upset is that there are children, my age and younger, who are stuck like this. Do me a favor. Walk into the kitchen. Go to your cabinet, or refridgerator, and remove anything that you're craving. People suffering in poverty can't do that. It makes you think, doesn't it.

Now, think of the teenagers you know. For most of us, our biggest concern is the price of our phones (I know girls who have stopped talking to each other over being jealous over the other's phone. Teenagers disgust me.), our clothes, our iPods, our Facebooks. . . I'm the first to admit that I'm guilty of forgetting how fortunate I am. Many times. And knowing that I have forgotten, frankly disgusts me. It makes me want to smash my phone, and then open my mouth so wide that I could swallow myself whole; Just make myself disappear. At the moment, I completely sicken myself.

So from now on, I hope I can remember that there are people whose lives are SO much worse than mine. Yes, I have my own problems, but they don't even being to amount to those of some of the others on this planet. I swear to confront the phone snobs. I promise to never forget how lucky I am. Teenagers today have amounted to utter garbage. So do me a favor, ungrateful ones, and take your five hundred dollar cell phones, and use it to buy yourself a brain. And a conscious.

Thank you.

Here are some pictures to get you thinking about how you can help. I know I for one, plan on Googling nearby soup kitchens and charities for poverty, very, very soon. Can you say fundraiser?

I've Been Spending Way Too Long Checking My Tongue In The Mirror

So here I find myself again, sitting at home. I wish I were at some activity, but alas, I am not. I did go to "work" today. If you can even call it work, seeing as I just oversee Sam do her homework, and get paid Ten Dollars per session. So I walked away twenty dollars richer, doing something I would probably do for free today. I also have Big Sister tomorrow. I'm fairly excited. I think right now it's time to play my favorite game "ADDRESSING PEOPLE WHO DON'T READ MY BLOG!" *Cue jazz hands and cheesy gameshow music*!!!
Here we go.
I don't understand what you want from me anymore. I want to be your friend, but you give me so many mixed signals, between being my friend and ignoring me. I hate it when you make jokes at my expense. It hurts. No matter how I pretend to brush it off, it does affect me. Don't ignore me. I *want* so much to be your friend, because I want to be able to at least have one friend who I can be myself with at school. I don't understand whether you want me to be the butt of your joke or your friend. I'm not sure I even want to stick around to find out.
And so concludes today's portion of "ADDRESSING PEOPLE WHO DON'T READ MY BLOG!" *Jazz hands and cheesy music*!!!
Basically I have nothing to inform you other than boring, school related things. I have mostly B's, combined with a few A's. This Saturday I have PSATs. Please, feel free to gag me with a spoon. No, seriously. I can't find words to describe howe much I don't want to do this. However, I plan on spending a majority of my study hall tomorrow, filling out my answers to my practice test, just like a good little robot should. Then I'll gather my books when the bell rings, and walk alone to English, taking the nearest route, like a good little robot should. I'll sit in my assigned seat and take out my materials. I'll sit quietly and wait for class to start. Then I will proceed in an orderly fashion to Geometry, and try not to trip the annoying FreshBots on their way to their classes, like a good little SophBot. I will not look the Upperclassmen in the eye. Because this is how I'm expected to behave. Then on Friday, I will complete my practice test, go to bed early, supply my claculator and set my alarm. I will wake up early on Saturday, and bring my water bottle and my number two pencil, and my Something To Occupy Myself With Quietly When I Have Completed My Test and Checked My Answers.
Then I'll go back home and probably spend the rest of my day at Six Flags with my favorite Uncle.
Because this is how one should behave as a good little SophBot.

Real Friends Are The Ones Who Know You, And Still Continue To Be Seen With You In Public

Hello all. I just got home from an entire long weekend spent at my best friend in the entire world's house, with my favorite people! Steph, Jess, Zach (her brother), Tommy (her cousin), her father, and I all went to the movies Saturday night to see The City of Ember. Then, we retreated to their house where all of the cousins and I slept over. We watched SNL and Jess and I talked all night. Then, Jess and I went to the mall the next day, where I purchased a BEAUTIFUL Twilight shirt. We went to her Nonna's and ate amazing pasta with Steph, her mom, her aunt, her Nonna, Jess, and Michael (Jess' brother, Steph's cousin). It was fully wonderful. On the way home, Stephanie's mom (She's the best), suggested that I stay over another night. . . So I did. I had so much fun, it's kind of killing me that I have to go back to school tomorrow. I'm dreading it. Everytime I leave Steph's, I leave happy with an armfull of books. Everytime I enter school, I enter angry, and sad, and annoyed, with an armful of books I hate. See the contrast?
Anyway, I must be off. I need to stand in a mirror and admire Robert's face:]

I Need Light In The Dark As I Search For The Resolution

The lyrics in the title of this are from The Resolution, by Jack's Mannequin. I'm officially obsessed with Jack's Mannequin. You should definately check them out. Here's some updates into what I've been up to. Nothing too fun:
-I've basically spent my weekends and days off sitting at home. Doing absolutely nothing. I clearly lead an exciting life.
-Jess and I went to look at a horse a weekend or so ago. Pictures of the gorgeous Louie are to follow. Unfortunately, they won't be buying him.
-On the way to see Louie, I saw a hilarious sign, also below.
-Halloween is coming up, so naturally, I have no idea what I'm going to be. Same as every year. If anyone has some good from home ideas, I am fully open to suggestions. In fact, I'm begging.
-I go to school daily. It's a total drag.
-I've been to my Big Brother/Big Sister class twice now! The kids are so adorable! Let me tell you about some of them:

1. There are two Andrews in my class. Andrew L. is totally my best friend. He's my little ginger boy, with red hair and freckles! My first visit, he gave me some leaves, and of course I saved them! Andrew is fully adorable.
2. Jenna B! There are also two Jennas in the class. Jenna B. is really cute. She dresses in full Disney, every day. I mean, High School Musical shirt, Matching pants, Sneakers, Backpack, Lunchbox. . . The list goes on and on.
3. Simon, a cross between young Freddy Highmore and Harry Potter, is supposed to be in Kindergarten, but he skipped to T1! He reads at a third grade level already. He's probably smarter than I am.

Those are just a couple of the kids. There's also Ethan and Larissa on my bus, who I take turns sitting with.

-There's really nothing else to report, other than the fact that Karleigh (my sister) is a complete THORN IN MY SIDE. More like an enormour strand of barbed wire enclosing me. *Sigh* That's basically all I can elaborate on.

I Would Thank You From The Bottom of My Heart, But For You, My Heart Has No Bottom.

I would like to say thank you a million times to my wonderful friends and family. I shall in fact, thank you all individually.
Daddy and Jamie: As much as I hate the distance between us (The whole ocean, to be specific), I think that in some ways, it has made our relationship stronger. So many girls my age feel like they can't talk to their parents about things. But having a blog for you to keep in touch with, and for me to post my happenings has really allowed the gap to be sealed. I appreciate all of your wonderful comments. They really are helpful. Thank you.
Taylor: Thinking back to around sixth grade, when I first formally met you, I would say you're a totally different person. You're so much . . . warmer (I hope that makes sense) now. It's weird how I could have known someone for four years, and only realize now that our brains practically match. I am really sorry about England. Maybe you, Steph, and I can have an English sleepover. We'll speak in accents and drink tea (even though I don't like it) and eat scones and watch movies with our husband, Robert Pattinson! ! ! Or maybe that'll make you miss England more, in which case we can have a Forget About England Sleepover, and pretend to be Australian or something. Anyway, thanks for the advice and such. It really helps bring things into perspective. Meet me in the "special" section of Border's where all the creepy guys hang out?
Kevin: My bestie! Thanks for listening to all of my just plain stuff online, and for telling me stories, and suggesting songs that make me cry (Still mad about that!!!). That's pretty much all there is to say.

There are so many other people I could thank, but these were the ones who needed to be addressed.
Love you all!

My So-Called Friends.

To My So-Called Friends:
You will probably never read this. Unless I find a way to send it to you and then never have to talk to you again. If I ever sent this to you, I would find it too awkward to go to school the next day and see you and have you confront me about the things I'm about to say. Let me start with the definition of what I shall refer to you as for the continuance of this blog (All names will be changed in order to keep people safe. Namely, me.).
So-Called: [soh-kawld] - adjective-
1. Called or designated thus: the so-called Southern bloc.
2. Incorrectly called or styled thus: so-called intellectuals.
Friend: [frěnd] - noun-
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
To summarize, my "friends" are a group of people I merely socialize with. I pretend I'm just ohhhh so happy all day with. I "laugh", I "giggle", I "joke", I put up with all of your condescending punches at my intelligence level. I listen to you complain about your superficial problems about how mommy and daddy won't let you have exactly what you want because they're just so darn mean (Boo Hoo. I'm really sorry. So sorry in fact, that everytime you think I'm laughing at one of your pathetic attempts at a joke, I'm really laughing in your face at your shallow personality.). However, I do not like you, I do not trust you. You are not my ally in times of struggle, and you are not my comrade. You are neither my amigo nor my third muskateer. But you do a pretty good job of pretending you are. You actually got me to believe that this year wouldn't be the third year in a row that I would have to spend my lunch period in one of the following places:
-The bathroom, crying.
-Walking aimlessly around the school.
-The library, staring into a meaningless space.
But no. You, in fact, are the reason that I can no longer motivate myself to wake up, get dressed, and go to school. But then, what is a school? It should not be synonymous with prison. And yet it is. I thought you were my friends. I thought that this year, I would go to weekly sleepovers, and have a best friend who I sat with at lunch, and we would go to football games, and get ready for every dance, and have picture parties, and dance around to loud music. While I've done all of these things before, I thought that this time, that feeling would stay. I was so, incredibly wrong. You see, my "friends" have gotten together almost every weekend. They sit with their best friends at lunch, while I merely take up space at their table, most likely because they feel bad for me. They have sleepovers, and they have s'more parties, and they run around and have a good time. I sit alone, in my room on a Saturday night, because I manage to ruin everything for myself, and I can't do anything anymore. I'm the one who calls the REAL best friends she never sees, and I'm also the one who hangs up at the machine every time, because those best friends don't pick up their phones anymore.But back to my So-Called Friends. I shall address you personally now.
To The One Who Calls Herself My Best Friend: How does it feel to lie directly to my face, on a daily basis? Good? I hope it does. You are not my best friend. My best friend would call me every so often. She would ask if I can hang out on the weekends. She would be honest, and admit to herself that we are NOT best friends anymore. Things are NOT how they always used to be. You always talk about how you know what it's like to be left out. But you DON'T. You're always the one leaving me out. It's you, who is leaving me out. You are NOT my best friend, because I have to pretend that I'm okay around you. I never have to do that around my real best friends.
To The One Who Used To Know Me: You aren't lying to yourself. You're just leaving me out of everything. You stole my best friends. You pretend that your perfect world is SO flawed so that you don't seem as shallow as you really are. All you are is a walking trend following cronie. You have no personality, you're just a carbon copy of what's cool. Try and find some real emotions, and then give me my friends back. Okay thanks.
To The One Who I Never See: You hide behind all of your injuries and illnesses. You are FINE. Mistakes are OKAY. Now please stop pretending to be my friend. You can't invent an ailment to cover that up.
To The One Who Knows My Secrets: I tell you everything. Try calling me every now and then. I want to be your friend.
To The One Who Passes Me In The Hall: We know everything about each other. Please talk to me in school. Don't be embarrassed to know me.
I am so sick and tired of not being invited to anything, and not having any real friends at school.I guess all I want is for someone to like me for who I am.

Without Trust There Is Nothing

Here's a quiz for everyone.
1. It's Friday night. Where would I least like to be?
A) At a football game with three of my best friends.
B) Getting my appendix removed whilst awake.
C) At home, doing nothing.

2. Where am I?
A) At a football game with three of my best friends.
B) Getting my appendix removed whilst awake.
C) At home, doing nothing.

If you answered C for all of these answers, you just might be correct. I'm attempting to get my mom to let me go to a football game with my three best friends from Newtown, Sara, Sarah, and Sara. Yes, I do have three best friends named Sara[h]. They all go to Newtown, so even though it's close, I never get to see them! They're so funny. They all actually get my jokes and we all talk about our favorite book (Twilight, of course) all the time. We just really click. So naturally, since I had a totally suck-tastic day, what with all of the suck-tastic things that happen to me all the time, I want to go REALLY bad! I haven't been to a single game all year, which totally bums me out since I love football games. More of the social aspect, but whatever. Anyway, I'm off to go text Sarah. I miss her:[

Some TWLOHA Quotes

Here's my favorite TWLOHA quotes:
"I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her."

"I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly."

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. "

Everything's Alright, When You're Right Here By My Side

I'm so glad I have so many great, wonderful friends. . . NOT!
So I told one of my best friends what was going on with school and such. I expected her to understand. So naturally, she didn't. Whenever she has to talk to me I ALWAYS listen to her and I always make an effort to understand where she's coming from. But this time, she didn't. Instead, she kept prying me about it today, asking what was wrong, what was wrong. I just didn't feel like talking about it. I guess she got mad because today, during lunch, she basically YELLED at me for being upset and not wanting to talk. She called me a name that doesn't need to be added to this sorry excuse for a blog and told me to leave the cafe. So I did. I went back twice, hoping they'd say something as I walked by. They didn't. It's really harshing me out I guess. On the bright side, I'll be seeing Steph, and I believe her cousin Jess, and her brother Zach tonight. Possibly some of my favorite people. It's just kind of like. . . I can really be myself around them. They don't all hang out without me and then talk about it right in front of me. They don't speak down or condescendingly to me because I'm not in the same classes as them. (ie. "Oh, Jess, what was the HONORS HISTORY homework? Oh right you didn't get into that" "Jess do we have HONORS BIO LAB today? Oh, that's right, you're not in that." "You're SOOOOOOO lucky you *snort* DIDN'T GET INTO HONOORRRRRS history. It's sooooo hard. You'd NEVER be able to handle this workload.") That's how friends should be. Steph's my best friend. She will be no matter how smart I am, or how dumb I am, how many honors courses I take (2 + Chorus, which is honors weighted), who I talk to, what I wear, what I listen to, or how organized I am (Haha, Steph).
I don't know what the purpose of this was. But I do hope that certain friends who aren't as amazing as Steph read this and learn a thing or two about, maybe, why I maybe don't want them in my life anymore. Steph, I hope you read this and realize how much I really do value our friendship. I don't know what I'd do without you, and I don't know how I'm going to graduate without you.

I Am Extremely Paranoid, Or This Just WOULD Happen To Me

*Sigh* Karen's out of school with mono. She has been for around a week or so. (Karen's one of my er. . . friends who I never hang out with. . . whose lunch table I frequently intrude upon because my best friend is going to be homeschooled. Why yes, it is slightly confusing.) And unfortunately, the girls at my table share everything. So, consequentially, the one worry wart (being me), would be the one with the headache, sore throat, and exhaustion. I doubt I have mono. I'm probably just being paranoid. But it still sucks royally. So now I'm sitting here all sick-like and I have to help my mother prepare the baby's room today. That kind of WAS what I signed up for when I decided not to go to the Catskills this weekend. But I'm okay with that. I'd rather be sick here, with my fuzzy slippers, and sweatpants, and bed, and heater blanket, than there with whatever I brought with me. Everyone's pretty cheesed off at me that I didn't go. And I have to work off $100 now to pay my Oma back. *Sigh* This is going to be a loooong year. I can smell it.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

*Sigh* So much crazy has been infecting everything lately. I'm pretty positive that school is slowly deteriorating my sanity. I honestly cannot bring myself to go back. So, that's why my mother (THANKFULLY) let me stay home today. It's rather wonderful to stay home and not be sick. Karleigh and Makenna aren't here, so it's just me and Mom. We've had a pretty good day just bopping around and talking. Frankly, I could get used to this. I *reallly* want to home school. I would do anything to never have to go back to my school ever again. I mean there are people that I talk to but it's kind of like. . . They don't really get me. Like my so-called friends, who are all buddy-buddy with me all day but never ask if I want to hang out. People always say that I should invite them, but if they really were my friends, they'd invite me when they all got together, don't you think? I don't know. I can talk to them, but they're nothing like Steph and Taylor. We kind of all have the same brain. I mean Steph, she reads my mind half the time. I mean my friends issue isn't the only reason I despise school so much. I'm honestly not happy there. I wake up in the morning and I find it next to impossible to motivate myself to get out of bed and pretend to have a good day. That's all I ever do. I go to school and I pretend that I'm havind "Omigod, like soooo much fun! I love school and all of my like, totally awesome BFFs! Friends Forever, guys!!! *giggles like an airhead*". I try and have fun and I try to think that all of these girls are my friends, but they're not. They get tired of me when I'm in a bad mood and I don't act all bubbly. They don't appreciate my sarcasm. They actually find it somewhat annoying. It just feels wrong to pretend I like it there and that everything's fine there. That's probably why my family most likely thinks I'm insane. I'm pretty angsty at home. I just think I'd be a LOT happier if I was NOT there. Homeschooling is fairly easy at the high school age. You don't need a parent to teach you, you can take online courses. Or I could join a study group with Taylor.
Anything to keep me from that place.

Nothing's Gonna Change My World

Everything's changing. It would be an extreme understatement to say I like any of it. I'm just so frusterated. It feels like everyone's moving on and I'm stuck here. Steph's not going to our school anymore. There's going to be a baby in the house. I am so not ready for this, it's remarkable. I don't want everything to be different.

I hate change.

No Time Like the Present

Hello again. I know I just posted earlier today, but I have nothing to do. Er, rather, nothing I *feel* like doing. Today I went to the coordinator of Big Brother/Big Sister's office at our school, and I'm officially a Big Sister in a class of first graders who got held back at the First Elementary School (Our town has two. I find it rather dumb)! I'm very excited, especially because I'll get to be the only one in the class, and because I'll get to take the bus home with all of the little kids! I love the little first graders. They're all so adorable and sweet! And most importantly, they're not my ACTUAL siblings. I'll be helping around the room, doing whatever the teacher needs me to do, whether it be helping the entire class with something, or reading to the kids, or helping an individual student each week. I'll be going on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and then on Monday, Wednesday and Sundays (I'm not sure but I think these are the days we've decided on), I'll be going to work at my first job!! It's not a *real* real job, because I'm fifteen, and I don't think I'm old enough to work an official job yet, but it's a job nonetheless. I'll be tutoring my friend Sydney's younger sister Samantha. She's in Seventh Grade, and I believe she's having trouble with math, so I'll be helping her with that, which I would do for free. Only now I get ten dollars an hour to do it! So yes, I am very, very excited.

Other happenings in my life are as follows:

. . . . .

Okay, so there aren't really any other happenings in my life. My cell phone's on the fritz. I think it may have gotten wet, but I don't know how it could have since I'm very paranoid about it getting wet. I've been racking my brain trying to think of when it could have, and alas, I have nothing. School is insanely banal, and there's simply nothing to report, other than the certain rudeness of one girl who I used to be friends with. You know, when I think back to why my Freshman Year was so bad, and all of the things that really just made me flat out cry, and hate school, and want to move far, far away from Dullsville, it all relates back to that one fight with that one girl. It was a dumb fight over her saying very rude things about some of our mutual friends, and I wasn't going to stand for that! They're my FRIENDS. So one thing led to another, and now she openly hates me. I mean there *are* times when I wish I was still friends with her. . . But then I remember what a contoroling, idiotic, "tore-up-from-the-floor-up" (If you catch my drift), rude, terrible friend she was. She made her BEST FRIEND cry. That's not someone I want to be associated with.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is. But it's a good way to project my thoughts.

Shaken, Not Stirred

Hello and good morning to all. I've never quite understood why *anyone* would put the word "good" before "morning" and expect it to be true. Especially when you wake up as early as I do. I figured I'd stir things up a bit, so at the moment, I'm typing this lovely post to you in my school library. To be completely honest, it's a little. . . bleak in here. There isn't much to say yet, but I'm thinking I might document my day for you guys. Right now I'm in Study Hall, where I never Study, rather sit and think. They should really call it something along the lines of "Contemplation Hall". Hmm. . . I *should* be printing my essay and then doing my Geometry homework (Darn you, online book that never works!!!), but I can't seem to motivate myself. In other news, I got my school pictures the other day. I DON'T LOOK HORRENDOUS AS I USUALLY DO! ! ! It was a momentous occasion. There was most definately celebratory drinks: Arizona Iced Tea. It's my fave. Anyway, I have fifteen problems and a printer waiting for me. Wish me luck, for I'm off to another "interesting" day, here at Dullsville High School, home of the Overly Hormonal Bobcats!

Clarifying

Oh, and when I say SOME teachers, I really do mean SOME. There are some pretty awesome teacher out there. I should know. My uncle happens to be one:]!

"[Some Teachers] Are Sadists Who Like To Play God And Watch Lesser People Scream"

To be completely honest, that quote is from Juno, and actually says Doctors are sadists, and while I agree, I also think that a few teachers apply to this statement even more. Some teachers fully get enjoyment out of watching the pain of watching their students RUN LAPS IN THE FREEZING COLD WEATHER IN SHORTS BECAUSE SWEATPANTS ARE FOR WIMPS.
To be specific, I hate my gym teacher. She's basically evil. Right now, we're training for the mile run. So basically, we go outside in shorts (because Sweatpants Are For Wimps, yet she wears them) and tee shirts, and run in circles in around 40 degree weather while she watches in her toasty warm sweats and shouts to put a little more hustle into it. I swear, the next time she tells me to "Run faster Lynch!" (THAT'S NOT EVEN MY LAST NAME!) I will stop, turn around, and punch her square in the face. I honestly don't care HOW much trouble I get into. Last time we ran in gym, it left my knees popping and cracking all day, and it was incredibly painful.
I'm not going to lie here. I DESPISE gym class. I LOATHE gym class. I DETEST gym class with every fragment of my being. It's such a competition. I *know* I'm not a fast runner. That's why I like to run alone. Because I don't have to worry about my times or how fast I run or how high my knees are (CURSE YOU GYM TEACHER!). But it's so competitive in class. It really infuriates me. I am fully not coordinated. I'm not good at soccer, or basketball, or football, or baseball. I'm not a fast runner, and I have little to no hand-eye coordination. I frequently trip over things, miss the ball, and let in goals. But it's really not my fault. I'm just not coordinated enough for those things! I can't handle keeping track of a stick, a ball, and my own two feet. The latter being most important to me. Gym class makes me feel so awkward. I think that we should have a dance unit. Or something like Ropes Course 101. Or WALKING. We should have an entire unit on walking. I could walk for HOURS and never get bored. Why can't we have like "Gym Class For Dummies" or "Gym For The Athletically Lacking"?!
This is really all I ask.

"If My Arm Explodes Spiders, Will You Save Me?" "Pshhh No. I'm Pushing You Down And Running"

I would just like to start by saying that I love my friends?
Anyway, regarding my arm exploding spiders, I got a very mysterious bug bite last night. And now I've got this rather lovely lump the size of a half dollar on my arm. It's rather grotesque and painful and itchy. But yes, we were discussing what it could be. These are the possiblities:
-I was bitten by a mutant spider, and soon my arm will explode spiders.
-I was bitten by a mutant bug, and soon another arm will explode out of my original arm.
-I was bitten by one of the Cloverfield bugs, and soon my eyes will bleed and my stomach will explode.
I know we sound dramatic, but the thing's a beast! I can't even lay my arm flat! It makes me very sad. So I need to find some way to cover it. Gross.
Okay. Sorry about that. I just need to reflect on my possible medical freak of nature status.
I am very proud to share that I MIGHT BE GOING TO A JACK'S MANNEQUIN CONCERT!
YAYAYYAYYY! I loooove Jack's Mannequin. If you've never heard of them, check out Dark Blue. It's a really good song.
Anyway, I have nothing else to say.
Bye for now!

Just Some Lyrics

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So mothers be good to your daughters too.