I'm invisible.
Someone ran right into me, as if looking through me.

I hit myself in the eye with my tennis ball while serving today.

I also may have broken my toe. It's swollen, purple, and not moving.

Good day.

Train of Thought.

Stop lying to me. It doesn't make you look cool, it makes me want to punch you continually in the face.

Allergies suck.

So does being run into all day. I must be invisible.

This week is going to take forever.

"I'll bet she's back in the atmosphere, with drops of Jupiter in her hair. She smells like summer and walks like rain, reminds me that there's time to change, yeah. Since her return from her stay on the moon, she listens like spring and she talks like June, yeah."

I give up on posting all of my thoughts.

Reflections on Life

Life is very much like a roller coaster. You're strapped in, whether you like it or not, you're off. There are ups, and downs, and maybe you're not ready for that. Maybe you would rather be in the antique cars, riding steadily at one level. However, we cannot live in that level of monotony. We can try to make life as bland as possible, but these attempts are in vain. Life is about the contrast of steep uphill and stomach clenching downhill. No matter how uncomfortable the drops make us, we can always look up and know that things can only go up from here. And no matter how many twists and turns life throws at us, we can rest assured that in the end, there will always be those ups, that adrenaline rush, whatever it is that makes everything, including the moments where you feel like you can't bear it any longer, worth it in the end.

The Call, Regina Spektor.

I really love Regina Spektor. Her songs make me think:]

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

I Don't Wanna Fall Another Moment Into Your Gravity.

I like certainty. I hate wondering, I hate haziness. Surprises just stress me out. I crave certainty more than anything. Lately, I've inhabited a cloud of suspense, uncertainty, waiting for life to become less of a foggy mess. However, things are just becoming more and more fuzzy; The thick black lines I've edged everything into are slowly fading. I had worked so hard to file everything away, to create a concrete foundation to build things upon. However, I've let things slip. I've allowed for uncertainty to invade my space.
I feel like if I were made into a statue, there would be a thin glass layer covering a concrete base. Sure, the outside is breakable. The inside, however is solid. Concrete. Certain.

Gravity Lyrics

Hi, this is my new favorite song. Gravity, Sara Bareilles.

Something always brings [me back to you].
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I n e v e r wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your -gravity-.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're onto me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm f r a g i l e.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

Keeping me down
You're onto me, onto me, and all over me.
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

Maybe, this is my mild form of a teenage rebellion. Maybe it's proof that as time goes on, we stray from the beliefs of those before us, looking for answers somewhere else.

Religion confuses me. Thinking about it, I feel as though it's almost degrading. We're led to believe that we're all sinners, unworthy of love from the one who is supposed to love us all. The constant mantra of how we are unworthy of His love, of Heaven makes me want to find something more uplifting. Why do we have to christen our babies? They haven't sinned. They can't even express themselves yet, how can they possibly be guilty of anything? Babies are pure, and perfect. Proof, this is, that no one can get away from the harsh message. If God is allowed to make us all into sinners, into bad people, who decided He was worthy? Why is He worthy of our love, our devotion, our worship? Why am I a sinner? Why am I forced to feel so imperfect.
I feel like we use religion as a super power. God is Mr. X, and we are all the civillians. Pastors, Priests, Fathers alike are all the X-Men, and they all try to "save" us from the enemies (Other religions, naturally). It's almost like a popularity contest of sorts. It provides us with a shell, something to hide behind.
Why do we believe in God? Because our parents did? Because their parents did?

I think I just need some unbiased, spiritual guidance.

More Things To Add To The List Of Things I Don't Understand.

The future scares me. I'm so afraid that I'm going to go to college, graduate, and be stuck thinking to myself "Now what?".
I don't understand careers. We're so pressured to think about it from the time we're five. "What do you want to be when you grow up?". It changes from year to year. So how am I expected to want the same thing for the rest of my life, when I'm only fifteen? I don't understand.
People are so unhappy with their jobs. Isn't your career supposed to be something you love, or at least like? Call me jaded, naiive, or diluted. However, do not call me impractical. It makes sense.

This Could Be A Brand New Start

After much reflection, I have learned some things. We envy the wrong things. We waste too much energy to be the richest, the most beautiful. We want the American dream, the perfect house and family. All of it creates a nice appearance, a hollow shell meant to exude the things in life that actually are worth jealousy- Happiness. Our desire for this so-called perfection destroys the one thing we have that is worth envy. On our rise to the top, we step on everyone in our way. We have nothing without happiness.

Montage of Life.

Lyrics: You see, I'm the bravest girl
You'll ever come to meet
Yet, I shrink down to nothing
At the thought of someone really seeing me
I think my heart is wrapped around
And tangled up in winding weeds

But, I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet are trembling
Every word I say comes stumbling
I will bare it all
Watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold

These hands that I hold behind my back
Are bound and broken from my own doing
And I can't feel anything anymore
I need a touch to remind me
I'm still real

'Cause, I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet are trembling
Every word I say comes stumbling
I will bare it all
Watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold

My soul
It's dying to be free
I can't live the rest of my life so guarded
It's dying to be free
It's up to me to choose
What kind of life I lead
Marie Digby, Unfold. A selection.

Reflections:
Teenagers are not as terrible as we are made out to be. We're becoming less prejudiced, less judgemental. Our arms are far more open that those of our parents. We accept the flaws, the quirks, the "abnormalities" of those around us, because as time goes on, the human race becomes more comfortable with differences. And because we are now becoming raised around said differences, we're so much more accepting. We know what we want, and we know what we don't. Our eyes are more open to other people, other ideas. We stray from what we've been trained to believe, instead believing what we're told. I know what I want, and I know what I believe, and most of all, I know it's radical. And I like that.

I plan on contributing something to society.

No Plans.

I hate not being able to drive.

>_<