Pictures

These have been long since overdue.
First: That's my best friend. I don't know about her.
Second: That's my face. Yeah. . .
Third: I question my sanity.
Fourth: My amazing school picture. This is a first and last, people.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger- Daft Punk:]

Did a boy or a girl to text you last?
Boy- Ethan
What is the last thing you said out loud?
"Bye, Love!" Because Sarah had to get ready for guard practice and get off the phone, and I like to think I'm British.
Name something exciting you are doing tomorrow?
School. Gag me with a spoon. Making cookies for my little friends!
Are you currently waiting on any tattoos or piercings?
Not right now, but maybe someday I'll want a tattoo.
Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?
Yes, because people text me at weird hours, and I hate it.
What were you doing at noon today?
Sitting at the Be Drug Free Table!
Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
My entire generation.
Is there someone you will never forget?
Yes, I generally don't forget people.
When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong?
I suppose I shouldn't have used such a smart-mouthy answer yesterday.
Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
Steph. Sarah. Jess.
Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
Nope. For once:]
When's the last time you laughed really hard?
Phone with Sarah!
Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
Probably.
Is anyone on your bad side now?
Generally, there usually is.
Where were you friday night?
Home.
Do you have plans for today?
Singing. Studying.
Is there anyone you trust who you shouldn't?
I don't think so. Maybe. I'll need to think about specific people.
Do you think you're smart?
It depends. I don't think I'm smart, but I don't think I'm stupid.
Do you have unlimited texting?
Yes.
Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
Definately.
Have you ever talked back to a teacher?
No.
What's the funniest thing you've heard today?
That would be confidential information.
Looking forward to the next couple months?
No.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
In a heartbeat.
What are you saving your money up for right now?
Clothes. Steph's Christmas and birthday presants even though she's LEAVING ME.
Have you changed this year?
I haven't changed, I've finally become aware of the stupidity that is Brookfield.
Would you kill someone for a million dollars?
No. I could never kill a person. I don't even like to think about killing animals.
If you had enough money what would you buy?
A lot of things. I would donate, as well.
Can you fight?
That is a dumb question. Violence is idiotic, and never solves anything.
Who can't you stand?
Ignorant brats.
How's your heart?
Beating.
What do you want right now?
Many things.
How old do most people usually guess you are?
It depends where I am.
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Sarah Michelle.
Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
No. That would be stupid.
What will you be doing in a half hour?
Singing. Vacuming.
Who is the last person you texted?
Sarah Michelle.
Do you have any plans for Christmas?
Same as usual.
Are you going anywhere next summer?
I hope so.
Are you shy?
From time to time.
Are you a talkative person?
Outrageously.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Did you ask me this?
How late did you stay up last night and why?
9:30/10:00. I had school.
Do you prefer to call or text?
Call.
Can you live a day without TV?
Easily.
How many months are there until your birthday?
Nine.
Are you ashamed of your past?
I'm ashamed of my past stupidity.
Who were you with Friday night?
Nobody.
Do you ride rollercoasters?
Yes.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Negatory.
What were you doing at 10 last night?
Sleeping.
Do you have any enemies?
No.
How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
It depends.
Think back a year, what was your favorite song?
Probably something weird.
What should you be doing right now?
Vacuming I suppose. I'll get it done eventually.
Starbucks or Cold Stone?
Starbucks.
Have you ever met a gay person?
Yes. Many.
Do you have a favorite soft drink?
Ginger Ale.

I Just Can't Belong to Anybody Else Right Now

Currently, the time is 6:17. A.M. And I'm dressed, hair and makeup done, ready for school. Sickening, isn't it? Right now I'd like to report on my weekend, before this feeling of butterflies leaves the pit of my stomach. I'm thourghly enjoying it. This feeling where you're just so incredibly HAPPY, nothing can get me down. Not the fact that I got very little sleep last night, not the fact that I was, and still am, on the verge of puking, and not even the fact that even though I'll miss her LOADS, Taylor's leaving me all too soon! No, because I'm feeling pretty good.
Who knew so many people could enter your life in one weekend. I finally had a much needed talk with one of my best friends. Things are so good I could sing. In fact, I am.

Miss Always Invisible

There isn't really much to say today.
-I basically spend my days finding the weirdest ways to become injured. Like sitting on a pin in chorus. Or hitting myself in the head on my locker. Story of my life right there.
-Last night, I accidentally put my shoe in the washing machine. It was pretty weird.
-I finally bought my Halloween costume. I'm a mouse.
-I found this artist Marie Digby. I'm basically obsessed with her music. This blog is one of her song titles. She's amazing.
There isn't much to report.
I've just been spending my time working on my story and trying not to go insane.
That's about all.

Updates.

Sorry, no clever title for you today. Here's just a list of updates, things that have happened over. . . today.
-I started writing my story. I don't know if it's a book or what, but I suppose it's halfway decent. I can't really describe it yet, because whenever I do, it sounds too dark. Maybe I'll post it someday.
-Made the mistake of throwing on whatever was closest to me this morning. Froze ALL day.
-I had a massive headache all last night and into all today. It was rather dreadful. My one request is can we PLEASE turn down the sun?
-It's getting cold to the point of insanity. This is my only comment.
-I started getting my halloween costume ready. So far it's between a fairy and a pirate. Hmmm. . .
-3.883!!!!! My only comment. . .

The Votes Are In!

Report Card came today.
Gym: A-
Health: A
English: A
Geometry: A
History: B- (It's Modern World. If it were American History, that would be an A+. Or else I'd get a swift kick in the shin by a certain uncle.)
Biology: A
French: B+
Special Chorus: A+

FOr a grand total of. . .
GPA- 3.883!
Is it just me, or should this DEFINATELY be rounded to a 3.9?
Whatever. I did fabulous. Please hold your applause.

We're All On The Same Roller Coaster, Just In Different Seats.

As promised, I am sitting here at my computer, attempting to write a blog that isn't angry and bitter, per usual. Already I'm starting to sense that this is going to be like cotton candy; light, airy, yet not at all filling. Hopefully that won't be the case.
You know that feeling where you're on the verge of peeing your pants? Hopefully you do, because this is how I spent my Saturday night. On Saturday morning, I dragged myself out of bed, threw some clothes on, and trudged to my PSATs. Can you say EPIC FAIL? Because then, you'll have my scores.
I got home, threw clothes into a bag, and then headed off to Six Flags with Uncle Rob and Kelly. After spending an hour or so in the car, we finally got there. Now, when I say that it was cold, I'm not kidding. I'm currently kicking myself for not bringing my winter coat. We walked (or shall I say waddled? We were pretty bundled.)around, rode a ride, and then waited an hour and a half in line for ONE ride. Longest wait of my entire life for thirty or so seconds of shivering and being thrown around in a warm plastic seat. Which, frankly, skeeved me out a little. It was freezing outside. I'm not sure I want to know why that seat was so warm. Anyway. . . Going into my first actual Haunted House was pretty nervewracking. I was probably more terrified of peeing my pants than I was of the actual house. Untill we went in and realized that it was garbage, that is. Basically picture rubbery limbs, glow-in-the-dark paint, and underpaid young adults in ridiculous layers of makeup, screaming and jumping out at you. Not to say that I didn't scream or anything. Because I did, seeing as I am a total scaredy cat. Then, we made our way over to the *scary sound affects and spooky spirit fingers* Wicked Woods *dun dun dun*. To be completely honest, it was pretty scary. I thought Karleigh was going to cry for a minute in the begining. Thankfully she didn't. After it was over, however, it left you with one of those unsatisfied feelings. One where you definately thought there was going to be a lot more to it, so then you were paranoid that it wasn't over, and that any minute, someone was going to grab your ankles, or attack you with a chain saw. Or maybe it was just me. . .
Now, if you've ever been on a roller coaster, you know about that sinking, empty, Oh, my God I'm going to fly out of this and land on the ground in a giant splat feeling. Well multiply that by one thousand, and shake rapidly to get Superman. Eighty miles an hour + Freezing cold + Pitch darkness = Insanity. And me screaming at the top of my lungs. Whichever you prefer. I would like everyone to please note that while I was screaming so loud that they could most likely hear me in China, Karleigh sat stone faced. She made me feel like a complete idiot. But I suppose that's okay. Because isn't that what it's all about anyway? Waiting in line for hours, screaming your head off and embarrassing yourself, and then wanting to get in line and do it all again.
Hmm. Well now here I am again. At then end of another blog post with nothing to say. So I guess I'll just say . . .
At least nobody piddled!

Why The Past Tense Makes Me Tense

Or, Things I Don't Like About French Class.

1. The passe compose (or past tense for all of you English speakers), clearly stresses me out. Each day is a gift. Why else would they call it the present?! So why, inventors of the French language, must you have such a difficult concept of past tense? Why? Do you enjoy seeing me fail!? Clearly you must.
2. Vocabulary is often about things that are pointless and/or stupid. An entire section of car vocab? Really? I DON'T CARE HOW YOU SAY HOW TO CHANGE THE OIL! I CAN'T EVEN DRIVE YET!
3. There are way too many ways to say one simple phrase. Can't we just keep it simple for the more simple minds, like myself?
4. Accents confuse me more than I can explain to you. Aigu? Really? Now does that point to the left or the right? Oh wait. . . IT FACES BOTH WAYS!
5. Grammar is ridiculous. Imparative? Seriously? I can barely speak English correctly!

Okay. Now that I got that off my chest. I'm not going to lie. I spent my entire day going to class. I just wasn't really there. I spent my day writing poetry. Most of which sucked, but whatever. It was quite wonderful. I also composed many notes that I plan on never sending.
All in all, I'd say it was a productive day.
:]

Poverty Is The Worst Form Of Violence- Ghandi

Today, as you may note to the link at the bottom of this post, is Blog Action Day. Seeing as I am fully obsessed with blogging (in case you couldn't tell), and because Kevin basically made me feel like a monster for not posting (because I didn't know about it!), I'm posting today. This year's theme is poverty. To be honest, I don't even know what to say. Poverty seems so wrong to me. I find it completely unnecessary. If your brother was left without a home, would you not offer him a place to stay? If so, why are there so many people in this situation all over the world today? How are they left without food for themselves? What brought them to this? I cannot comprehend how anyone can allow their family or friends to live this way. I'm not saying to run to New York and grab as many homeless people as you can find, I'm just saying that. . . everyone knows at least one person in this world. The people we have without money or shelter or food . . . I don't understand how someone can be forced to live this way. All I can think is "Where is their family? How do we allow this?"

When I think of violence, I think of anything that could possibly hurt someone. By allowing people to starve, to live on street corners, in crowded shelters, we are ultimately hurting them. We are allowing these people to starve. What makes me the most upset is that there are children, my age and younger, who are stuck like this. Do me a favor. Walk into the kitchen. Go to your cabinet, or refridgerator, and remove anything that you're craving. People suffering in poverty can't do that. It makes you think, doesn't it.

Now, think of the teenagers you know. For most of us, our biggest concern is the price of our phones (I know girls who have stopped talking to each other over being jealous over the other's phone. Teenagers disgust me.), our clothes, our iPods, our Facebooks. . . I'm the first to admit that I'm guilty of forgetting how fortunate I am. Many times. And knowing that I have forgotten, frankly disgusts me. It makes me want to smash my phone, and then open my mouth so wide that I could swallow myself whole; Just make myself disappear. At the moment, I completely sicken myself.

So from now on, I hope I can remember that there are people whose lives are SO much worse than mine. Yes, I have my own problems, but they don't even being to amount to those of some of the others on this planet. I swear to confront the phone snobs. I promise to never forget how lucky I am. Teenagers today have amounted to utter garbage. So do me a favor, ungrateful ones, and take your five hundred dollar cell phones, and use it to buy yourself a brain. And a conscious.

Thank you.

Here are some pictures to get you thinking about how you can help. I know I for one, plan on Googling nearby soup kitchens and charities for poverty, very, very soon. Can you say fundraiser?

I've Been Spending Way Too Long Checking My Tongue In The Mirror

So here I find myself again, sitting at home. I wish I were at some activity, but alas, I am not. I did go to "work" today. If you can even call it work, seeing as I just oversee Sam do her homework, and get paid Ten Dollars per session. So I walked away twenty dollars richer, doing something I would probably do for free today. I also have Big Sister tomorrow. I'm fairly excited. I think right now it's time to play my favorite game "ADDRESSING PEOPLE WHO DON'T READ MY BLOG!" *Cue jazz hands and cheesy gameshow music*!!!
Here we go.
I don't understand what you want from me anymore. I want to be your friend, but you give me so many mixed signals, between being my friend and ignoring me. I hate it when you make jokes at my expense. It hurts. No matter how I pretend to brush it off, it does affect me. Don't ignore me. I *want* so much to be your friend, because I want to be able to at least have one friend who I can be myself with at school. I don't understand whether you want me to be the butt of your joke or your friend. I'm not sure I even want to stick around to find out.
And so concludes today's portion of "ADDRESSING PEOPLE WHO DON'T READ MY BLOG!" *Jazz hands and cheesy music*!!!
Basically I have nothing to inform you other than boring, school related things. I have mostly B's, combined with a few A's. This Saturday I have PSATs. Please, feel free to gag me with a spoon. No, seriously. I can't find words to describe howe much I don't want to do this. However, I plan on spending a majority of my study hall tomorrow, filling out my answers to my practice test, just like a good little robot should. Then I'll gather my books when the bell rings, and walk alone to English, taking the nearest route, like a good little robot should. I'll sit in my assigned seat and take out my materials. I'll sit quietly and wait for class to start. Then I will proceed in an orderly fashion to Geometry, and try not to trip the annoying FreshBots on their way to their classes, like a good little SophBot. I will not look the Upperclassmen in the eye. Because this is how I'm expected to behave. Then on Friday, I will complete my practice test, go to bed early, supply my claculator and set my alarm. I will wake up early on Saturday, and bring my water bottle and my number two pencil, and my Something To Occupy Myself With Quietly When I Have Completed My Test and Checked My Answers.
Then I'll go back home and probably spend the rest of my day at Six Flags with my favorite Uncle.
Because this is how one should behave as a good little SophBot.

Real Friends Are The Ones Who Know You, And Still Continue To Be Seen With You In Public

Hello all. I just got home from an entire long weekend spent at my best friend in the entire world's house, with my favorite people! Steph, Jess, Zach (her brother), Tommy (her cousin), her father, and I all went to the movies Saturday night to see The City of Ember. Then, we retreated to their house where all of the cousins and I slept over. We watched SNL and Jess and I talked all night. Then, Jess and I went to the mall the next day, where I purchased a BEAUTIFUL Twilight shirt. We went to her Nonna's and ate amazing pasta with Steph, her mom, her aunt, her Nonna, Jess, and Michael (Jess' brother, Steph's cousin). It was fully wonderful. On the way home, Stephanie's mom (She's the best), suggested that I stay over another night. . . So I did. I had so much fun, it's kind of killing me that I have to go back to school tomorrow. I'm dreading it. Everytime I leave Steph's, I leave happy with an armfull of books. Everytime I enter school, I enter angry, and sad, and annoyed, with an armful of books I hate. See the contrast?
Anyway, I must be off. I need to stand in a mirror and admire Robert's face:]

I Need Light In The Dark As I Search For The Resolution

The lyrics in the title of this are from The Resolution, by Jack's Mannequin. I'm officially obsessed with Jack's Mannequin. You should definately check them out. Here's some updates into what I've been up to. Nothing too fun:
-I've basically spent my weekends and days off sitting at home. Doing absolutely nothing. I clearly lead an exciting life.
-Jess and I went to look at a horse a weekend or so ago. Pictures of the gorgeous Louie are to follow. Unfortunately, they won't be buying him.
-On the way to see Louie, I saw a hilarious sign, also below.
-Halloween is coming up, so naturally, I have no idea what I'm going to be. Same as every year. If anyone has some good from home ideas, I am fully open to suggestions. In fact, I'm begging.
-I go to school daily. It's a total drag.
-I've been to my Big Brother/Big Sister class twice now! The kids are so adorable! Let me tell you about some of them:

1. There are two Andrews in my class. Andrew L. is totally my best friend. He's my little ginger boy, with red hair and freckles! My first visit, he gave me some leaves, and of course I saved them! Andrew is fully adorable.
2. Jenna B! There are also two Jennas in the class. Jenna B. is really cute. She dresses in full Disney, every day. I mean, High School Musical shirt, Matching pants, Sneakers, Backpack, Lunchbox. . . The list goes on and on.
3. Simon, a cross between young Freddy Highmore and Harry Potter, is supposed to be in Kindergarten, but he skipped to T1! He reads at a third grade level already. He's probably smarter than I am.

Those are just a couple of the kids. There's also Ethan and Larissa on my bus, who I take turns sitting with.

-There's really nothing else to report, other than the fact that Karleigh (my sister) is a complete THORN IN MY SIDE. More like an enormour strand of barbed wire enclosing me. *Sigh* That's basically all I can elaborate on.

I Would Thank You From The Bottom of My Heart, But For You, My Heart Has No Bottom.

I would like to say thank you a million times to my wonderful friends and family. I shall in fact, thank you all individually.
Daddy and Jamie: As much as I hate the distance between us (The whole ocean, to be specific), I think that in some ways, it has made our relationship stronger. So many girls my age feel like they can't talk to their parents about things. But having a blog for you to keep in touch with, and for me to post my happenings has really allowed the gap to be sealed. I appreciate all of your wonderful comments. They really are helpful. Thank you.
Taylor: Thinking back to around sixth grade, when I first formally met you, I would say you're a totally different person. You're so much . . . warmer (I hope that makes sense) now. It's weird how I could have known someone for four years, and only realize now that our brains practically match. I am really sorry about England. Maybe you, Steph, and I can have an English sleepover. We'll speak in accents and drink tea (even though I don't like it) and eat scones and watch movies with our husband, Robert Pattinson! ! ! Or maybe that'll make you miss England more, in which case we can have a Forget About England Sleepover, and pretend to be Australian or something. Anyway, thanks for the advice and such. It really helps bring things into perspective. Meet me in the "special" section of Border's where all the creepy guys hang out?
Kevin: My bestie! Thanks for listening to all of my just plain stuff online, and for telling me stories, and suggesting songs that make me cry (Still mad about that!!!). That's pretty much all there is to say.

There are so many other people I could thank, but these were the ones who needed to be addressed.
Love you all!

My So-Called Friends.

To My So-Called Friends:
You will probably never read this. Unless I find a way to send it to you and then never have to talk to you again. If I ever sent this to you, I would find it too awkward to go to school the next day and see you and have you confront me about the things I'm about to say. Let me start with the definition of what I shall refer to you as for the continuance of this blog (All names will be changed in order to keep people safe. Namely, me.).
So-Called: [soh-kawld] - adjective-
1. Called or designated thus: the so-called Southern bloc.
2. Incorrectly called or styled thus: so-called intellectuals.
Friend: [frěnd] - noun-
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
To summarize, my "friends" are a group of people I merely socialize with. I pretend I'm just ohhhh so happy all day with. I "laugh", I "giggle", I "joke", I put up with all of your condescending punches at my intelligence level. I listen to you complain about your superficial problems about how mommy and daddy won't let you have exactly what you want because they're just so darn mean (Boo Hoo. I'm really sorry. So sorry in fact, that everytime you think I'm laughing at one of your pathetic attempts at a joke, I'm really laughing in your face at your shallow personality.). However, I do not like you, I do not trust you. You are not my ally in times of struggle, and you are not my comrade. You are neither my amigo nor my third muskateer. But you do a pretty good job of pretending you are. You actually got me to believe that this year wouldn't be the third year in a row that I would have to spend my lunch period in one of the following places:
-The bathroom, crying.
-Walking aimlessly around the school.
-The library, staring into a meaningless space.
But no. You, in fact, are the reason that I can no longer motivate myself to wake up, get dressed, and go to school. But then, what is a school? It should not be synonymous with prison. And yet it is. I thought you were my friends. I thought that this year, I would go to weekly sleepovers, and have a best friend who I sat with at lunch, and we would go to football games, and get ready for every dance, and have picture parties, and dance around to loud music. While I've done all of these things before, I thought that this time, that feeling would stay. I was so, incredibly wrong. You see, my "friends" have gotten together almost every weekend. They sit with their best friends at lunch, while I merely take up space at their table, most likely because they feel bad for me. They have sleepovers, and they have s'more parties, and they run around and have a good time. I sit alone, in my room on a Saturday night, because I manage to ruin everything for myself, and I can't do anything anymore. I'm the one who calls the REAL best friends she never sees, and I'm also the one who hangs up at the machine every time, because those best friends don't pick up their phones anymore.But back to my So-Called Friends. I shall address you personally now.
To The One Who Calls Herself My Best Friend: How does it feel to lie directly to my face, on a daily basis? Good? I hope it does. You are not my best friend. My best friend would call me every so often. She would ask if I can hang out on the weekends. She would be honest, and admit to herself that we are NOT best friends anymore. Things are NOT how they always used to be. You always talk about how you know what it's like to be left out. But you DON'T. You're always the one leaving me out. It's you, who is leaving me out. You are NOT my best friend, because I have to pretend that I'm okay around you. I never have to do that around my real best friends.
To The One Who Used To Know Me: You aren't lying to yourself. You're just leaving me out of everything. You stole my best friends. You pretend that your perfect world is SO flawed so that you don't seem as shallow as you really are. All you are is a walking trend following cronie. You have no personality, you're just a carbon copy of what's cool. Try and find some real emotions, and then give me my friends back. Okay thanks.
To The One Who I Never See: You hide behind all of your injuries and illnesses. You are FINE. Mistakes are OKAY. Now please stop pretending to be my friend. You can't invent an ailment to cover that up.
To The One Who Knows My Secrets: I tell you everything. Try calling me every now and then. I want to be your friend.
To The One Who Passes Me In The Hall: We know everything about each other. Please talk to me in school. Don't be embarrassed to know me.
I am so sick and tired of not being invited to anything, and not having any real friends at school.I guess all I want is for someone to like me for who I am.

Without Trust There Is Nothing

Here's a quiz for everyone.
1. It's Friday night. Where would I least like to be?
A) At a football game with three of my best friends.
B) Getting my appendix removed whilst awake.
C) At home, doing nothing.

2. Where am I?
A) At a football game with three of my best friends.
B) Getting my appendix removed whilst awake.
C) At home, doing nothing.

If you answered C for all of these answers, you just might be correct. I'm attempting to get my mom to let me go to a football game with my three best friends from Newtown, Sara, Sarah, and Sara. Yes, I do have three best friends named Sara[h]. They all go to Newtown, so even though it's close, I never get to see them! They're so funny. They all actually get my jokes and we all talk about our favorite book (Twilight, of course) all the time. We just really click. So naturally, since I had a totally suck-tastic day, what with all of the suck-tastic things that happen to me all the time, I want to go REALLY bad! I haven't been to a single game all year, which totally bums me out since I love football games. More of the social aspect, but whatever. Anyway, I'm off to go text Sarah. I miss her:[

Some TWLOHA Quotes

Here's my favorite TWLOHA quotes:
"I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her."

"I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly."

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. "