The Sea Is Just A Wetter Version of the Skies.

I'm finding myself very angry recently. Few things can tame my dark mood. It could potentially be because I'm a teenager. Here is my question. Why is it that we're forced to watch life change around us, affecting us as it may, and we're not allowed to do anything about it? I'm tired of floating as the current picks up and drags me along with it. I wish I were stronger, so I could swim against the force, and go back to shore, where it is comfortable, and the sun is warm. But instead, I float here in the water, and it is cold, and I am shivering, but no one seems to notice, because they are floating along too, some swimming, making the flow stronger and harder to resist. It's easier to float along with it than push against the mass of bodies and water carrying me away. Maybe one day I'll be able to, but for now, I'll be a hypocrite and take the easy way out with the rest of us, while nearly overflowing with rebellion, soon to spill over.

I am in a foul mood, brooding about the house in a typical teenage fashion. I feel as though I've been slapped in the face by the reality that this summer is going to mildly suck. I can feel it already. Listening to the new Regina Spektor album, I am home alone. Told Mother that my mood is too dark to be around people, so they proceeded to go to my grandmother's house while I sit here in an oversized tee shirt and shorts. My contacts are burning my eyes. I had never realized how heavily I relied on your words to keep me from being bored, until they were taken from me by a week in the woods. So here I am, in a foul mood, brooding about.

Here's the issue.
I can never keep friends for long.

I've been boring lately. Holed up in bed reading or playing music. Yesterday I went to Lakc Compounce, which was fun. I've been there a million times and I never get bored.
I want to go on a picnic.

Currently listening to Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. Spent all day doing absolutely nothing, talking to mostly people I don't want to talk to, and a few that I actually did want to talk to. I miss my friends, and seeing them every day. I love the rain, but I wish it would be more summer-y just for a day. I can't wait until it's the days where I roll out of bed at 11:00, and the sun's out, and bright. And I can throw on shorts and a tee shirt and sit on the front porch with a book and a glass of iced tea. That's what I'm most looking forward to. Watching tears condense on the glass and slide down into a ring shaped puddle. Listening to Iron & Wine. Not having to wear shoes. If it were up to me, we'd never have to wear shoes. It would just be acceptable to have bare feet all of the time, toughened from nature and walking and time. I want to go to Kent Falls this summer, and spend a day there with my friends. We might spend a day at Happy Landings this week, which I'm looking forward to. It's been that awkward, sticky, rainy heat. Where you want to wear pants, because of the rain, but shorts, because of the weight of the air. It's best to just stay inside.

It's summer. I can't get over that. And I can't decide what I feel about it. Like, if I'm happy, or sad. I kind of miss seeing people every day.
I'm going to miss lunch. Well. My friends. I could do without the food being thrown.
I'm going to miss Taylor. My DNA buddy. She's leaving me in our stupid town to go to better, farther places.

But I'm not going to miss anything so much that I'd go back. I hate school.

Today was an excellent day.
Maybe it was because I woke up on time, early in fact. Or perhaps because I didn't miss my bus. Or because I'm fairly sure I did well on my French final (By well, I mean not failing.).
Maybe it was other things.
Who knows?
I'm just glad it's summer. Finally.

Hello, I just slept without a night light.
Thank you very much.

I'm attempting to teach myself piano. The feeling of getting something correct is possibly the most glorious thing ever.

Somedays.

I'm still trying to convince myself that it's almost summer. Mostly because I started this year with the idea that this year would be different than before, but here I am, at Finals, and nothing's different. Everything's the same as it was before.
For some reason, I'm not nervous at all for Finals. I can't bring myself to get nervous, to cram at all. I'm just kind of taking things day by day. I've been getting less and less sleep, but it hasn't hit me yet. I'm afraid of the day when I'll try to get up in the morning and just be incapable.
It's cold for June. The air still feels like April.
I think it's time for summer.

This Too, Shall Pass.

Today has been a horrible day.

I think my best friend just broke up with me. I mean, I knew we were drifting, but I thought that it'd mean more to you than how you responded. I don't think I'd ever had a friendship like that before, and now it's so distant. I feel like I'm losing you to all of those people who were only kind of there. I made so much effort to be there for you every single day.
And speaking of losing friends, if you only talk to one friend and isolate all of your other ones, you'll wind up friendless. Words that people should follow, but probably won't.

Today, I ripped off half of my fingernail. Worst ever.

Finals will be the death of me.

I'm currently in the midst of a Coldplay obsession. I almost can't handle it.

To Megan Bronze.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Curse my teenage mind and short attention span.

Candy and hugs seem to be in your near future.

Nothing really to say. Just floating around, living a usual existance in a typical world. Still waiting for something extraordinary.

Hi, this mosquito bite could force me to tear off my foot.

I lost the words I was looking for when I opened this New Post.

The Moon

Today was nearly perfect. I know that in order for something to be perfect, it must have a flaw, and today was close. Just missing something, someone. I can't quite lable it. I had an amazing time at brunch and in the city with Taylor. The end of today, was amazing. I came home and sat on my front porch and looked at the moon. I like the stability of the moon. No matter what happens, the moon will always be there. We will always look at that same moon, no matter how far we are from those we wish were with us. Tonight, the moon was the clearest I've ever seen it. It was almost like it knew I needed a wakeup call. The moon will always be there, no matter what changes. My life could spin completely off its axis, but the moon will always be there.

Wooh! I got into Small Group! Yayyyyy!

I am rather excited.

Why is it that we can have everything, except for what we want? It seems as though every possibility I've humored is becoming reality. However, that one thing I want is just out of reach. I'm almost there, I can feel it. But this temporary fix isn't enough. And I can feel how close I am, and yet I know I'm not there. And there's nothing I can do about it. I can't find another foot-hole to bring me higher. I'm stuck at this level of in-between in which I inhabit. I don't want to grow too comfortable here, because one day, I'll move past it. Maybe I'll go up, maybe I'll fall. But one day, I will move.

I COULD NOT LOVE THIS NEW DMB ALBUM MORE.
My Lanta. I can't put it into words, go buy it. NOW.