I hate the way that the only time you feel this many things at once and realize that you're feeling them is when you're sad.
Good thing I have to take the PSATs in the morning.
To put it simply, this sucks.

I just applied for a job at Panera Bread.
Also, my Halloween costume is a flapper.

That's all.

It's 2:11 AM. I wish there was some way that when you couldn't sleep, someone else wouldn't be able to sleep with you. But unfortunately, the earth doesn't look out for you in this way. I watched Revolutionary Road twice, and finished two books. After this, I'll probably research for an English paper.
Sometimes, I think that if we slowed down enough, we could hear the Earth breathe. I swear, every once in a while, I can feel it turning. I know it's probably my imagination, but if you close your eyes, and sit very still, you can feel it. It's not some profound feeling. It's not magical, nor does it spark some sort of epiphany. But it's nice.
I wish there were a way to check if your head were properly screwed on straight. Sometimes I doubt mine is. I have these irrational fears. I find myself running down dark hallways at night, afraid of what could be chasing me, or flicking on the lights as fast as possible, with my heart pounding. I know it's silly. I have nothing to be afraid of. I just can't help that feeling, though.
Another thing I find interesting is the concept of the moon. We are all under the same one. Some of us stare at it; some of us barely even notice it. But everyone's moments where they see it all happen under the same moon. I sort of wish it could talk, and it could tell us some of the stories of what it's witnessed. I think the moon would be a fabulous person. Very calm, and wise, and full of life at the same time.

I feel as though my head will explode into eight hundred thousand tiny pieces if I hear one more syllable of yours. Tired tired tired. I'm frustrated, and you just plain suck sometimes.

I hate this feeling, when I'm not control of the situation. My limbs simultaneously tense up and loosen at the same time. My head spins and I feel like I'm swimming through tar. My chest tightens and my throat squeezes and my heart pounds. My eyes water. I can't help but cry; the tears just spill over. And I always find myself like this for the dumbest reasons, that I know aren't worth feeling like this. But I do.

I feel like I could be doing a much better job about posting on this blog. However, I think I've used up all of my words. Today, in English, I tried to write a paragraph about The Great Gatsby, and it was an assignment designed the way I like to write. And I sat and stared at the blinking cursor for at least five minutes. I never know where to start anymore. Beginnings are hard. Endings can be messy, yet they are also simple. Loose ends become tied up, and you're left with a clear image of results. Starting from scratch is the hard part.
I'm not sure where I'm going with any of this. I don't know what I want, or where I'm going. I often change my direction to accomodate others. I frequently see myself adapting and twisting and turning to fit my surroundings. I feel as though I'm made of Silly Putty, and people form me into whatever shape they want me to be in, and all I do is sit and allow it to happen. But to tell the truth, I don't know who exactly I am. I'm afraid to find out what's underneath all of these layers of other people who have shaped me. What would I possibly discover? And what if I don't like it?

Hello, again. I've been rather terrible about posting on here, as of late. I wish I could say that I've been too busy, but I haven't. I just haven't had much to say. I went to the first football game last night with Pat and some people, but we got there late, and then left early and went to Friendly's. I feel like I might be getting a little sick, just a scratchy throat and a little congestion, and a slight headache. I haven't really been doing anything out of the ordinary. Guitar lessons and Small Group (Chamber Choir) which just started.

I have to go watch Jake and go out with Jess. I'll be back.