Summer.

Hello to all. I'm very sorry I haven't given you any of my simple words and thoughts to read lately. I've been incredibly busy. I got home from New York, and was completely drained. Emotionally and physically. I never knew that people you'd just met could change you so deeply. I learned so much from everyone. I refuse to let them drift away. I went to Boston to visit Pat with his parents. (For those who were not aware, Pat is my boyfriend. He's in Boston on the Berklee Five Week Summer Program Thing. Because he's an amazing musician. He might hate me for saying that here, but I don't care. He can deal. Hi, Pat!) It was a great day, the weather was amazing, even though we expected rain. The next day, I started work. I don't even want to get into that. Sitting at a desk from 7:30 to like, 4:30 in the afternoon is no way to spend your summer vacation. And I simply cannot work with family members.

Summer is slowly dwindling. I still have so much to do. French and English work. Experiences. Places. I swear, I had a list at the beginning of this summer of things I wanted to accomplish. I shall locate it, and tell you if I've actually done any of it.

I've developed a love for fireflies. They fascinate me to no end. I caught a bunch in New York. They'd hide in the grass of the lawns at Fordham, staying still, allowing you to catch them. I'd hold them between my cupped palms, and open them slowly, but the fireflies never left. I think they beg to be caught. They attract attention, and then they don't leave. They're kind of like us in that sense. They look for a way to escape, however, when given the opportunity, they like to stay for a while.

I don't know. Just some ramblings. I probably make no sense.

Home.

I'm home from New York. I'll probably elaborate more on my trip in a few days, but right now, I'm exhausted, and a little teary still. I met some of the most amazing people in the past ten days, and we've became so close. Leaving was incredibly difficult. I'll keep these memories with me, because they're some of my best memories. I learned so much from you all, and from this experience. Going around the circle, and hearing some of the things people thought of me, and the way that I can effect people really struck me. It's a frighteningly wonderful concept that I've changed these people as much as they've changed me. For the better, of course.
So to everyone in NSLC Theater, Fordham, July 16-25, Thank you. You've given me great times, amazing memories, insane laughs, and huge tears. I've loved every second of it.

We should be leaving soon for my big New York City excursion. I'm so excited. I'll be staying at Fordham. This is my first trip where it's just me. I don't know anyone going, really. I don't have anything remotely comfortable to serve as my security blanket.. I'm diving into this completely by myself. I'm so excited.

I just lost my shoes, again. I spend more time looking for them than actually wearing them.

New York is tomorrow! I'm SO excited. Literally, I don't even know what to do with myself.

I leave for New York in two days. Is this even real? Am I actually doing this? It's insane. I'm so nervous, yet it hasn't all hit me yet. So much is going on.

About to go to bed, letting the anticipation of sleep hang over me for one more minute. Going to lay down under the covers in this sweatshirt and let the steady sound of breathing drag me to sleep.

Honestly, bed time is my favorite part of the day. I love sleeping so much. I should be a sloth, or a koala or something.

Pointless post, I am embarrassing.

These Lines of Lightning Mean We're Never Alone.

Here's some things I want to do this summer:
Catch fireflies in a jar. (How long do fireflies live for?)
Learn some more songs on guitar. Actually learn them.
Get a baby duck. (Or some form of baby animal.)
Discover some more new music.
Perfect my cartwheel.
Have an amazing time in New York.
Meet new people.
Learn something new, every day.
Stop being such a suckish blogger.
Make Baked Alaska. (Probably not going to happen.)
Wear sunscreen, so like, actually use sun protection.
Go out in costume.
See a matinee in my pajamas.
Go to the flea market.
Buy something vintage.
Acquire a record player.
Be spontaneous.
Watch some old movies.

Today was such a fabulous day.
I went shopping, with Taylor and my mother. I tie-dyed and watched Harry Potter, with Taylor, as well. And we all went out to dinner. It was amazing.

It's my birthday!

I wish you weren't still mad at me. It's my birthday tomorrow.

Currently, food is making me sick. Whenever I eat, I get a ridiculous stomach ache, no matter what it is, and I nearly vomit. However, if I avoid it by not eating, I get sick, and want to vomit. It's a lose-lose situation.
Music I'm currently into:
-Beck
-Mika
-The Dresden Dolls
-Jai Ho is the catchiest song in the world, I love it.

This One's For You.

I like leaving secret notes to people. I love The Runaways. I have a love/hate relationship with bugs. I'm not afraid of spiders. I hate hot tea, but I love iced tea. I like yo-yos. I like when people tell me things about themselves. I love listening to people talk. I pace when I'm on the phone. Thunder storms are very exciting to me. The last time the power went out at night, I screamed for my mommy. I still call my mom "Mommy". Sweet tea makes me want to vomit, but I love it anyway. I have a folder exploding with letters I've written to various people, and never sent. I want to, one day, send a piece of fruit, addressed and stamped, through the mail to someone, because I read it in a book once. I make a list every day. I think a lot. Sometimes, I sit there, and look like I'm thinking, when I'm really singing songs in my head, and they're usually really bad songs. I tap my foot a lot. I think that the best forms of short distance transportation is a tie between walking and riding a bike, end of story. I think faster than my mouth can take the words, and I can't get them out, and I get really flustered and start to blush and move my hands and start to stutter. To fix this, I have to literally get up and dance the sentence out. I hate cake frosting from like, bakeries, and rather love the frosting you get at the grocery store. I will walk out of my way to get to that really crunchy leaf. Jumping in puddles is very glorious, and I highly recommend doing it. I question everything, and I have for as long as I can remember. I'm too indescisive for my own good. My phone is terribly broken, but I plan on keeping it. I like memories, and the rain, and puppies.

Things

I felt like I should update everyone about what's going on in my life. However, I've been sitting, staring at the white page for at least five minutes. Watching the cursor blink, waiting for oncoming words is not bringing any about, as it usually does. I'm tired, my eyelids are heavy, but my mind is racing. If I were in bed, I'd be asleep, but I don't think I want to give in just yet. I'm kind of afraid for this day to end, although, technically, it will end with or without me in half an hour. But my theory is, the day isn't over until you go to sleep.
I love sleeping. I love the way unconsciousness rolls over you, and you allow yourself to be dragged by the tide. I love slipping into that place where I can do no wrong. But sometimes, sleep terrifies me. The way my mind wakes up before my body, and no amount of fear can get my legs to move. The way the dark side of my thoughts, my scariest imagined creations can get me here. I suppose I could always wake up, but sometimes the lull of closed eyes, and soft blankets, and comfort drags me back under. But I still go back. We always go back.

Maybe I once again, just think too much.

Here's my issue. There isn't going to be a sequel to Heathers. I love that movie.

I'm trying to decide if I'm actually awake, and this is happening, or if I'm just having a very vivid dream.

Played guitar most of the day. That's about it.