I Caught Myself. Paramore.

My second favorite song on the Twilight soundtrack.
I'm singing to it right now. It's quite enjoyable. I love that movie so much. Except stupid Kristen Stewart. EPIC FAIL, that's what she was.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I have an epic nothingness of things to say. Currently I am grooving to Supermassive Black Hole by Muse. I really love Muse. I'm wearing a yellow sweatshirt. It's obnoxiously lemon colored. I love it. Currently I'm thinking of future plans. I'm also thinking which class ring I want. Correction. I know which one I want, I'm just thinking about it. This is the one I want:


Isn't it just gorgeous? Haha, I know.
This is my dress for the Ring Dance. Just as a BTW. And because I love showing it off.

So yeah. I don't know what else to say and Karleigh basically wants me to get off.

Random Ramblings and Musings 1

I don't understand Thanksgiving.
It's kind of like "Okay kids, let's celebrate how the Native Americans all got smallpox because the Pilgrims gave them infected blankets (or something of that nature), and then they all decided to teach each other how to fish and grow corn, by devouring this harmless turkey that could be frolicking through the woods with its turkey friends, but instead is on our dinner table! Oh, and then we'll force you to learn and relearn about the pilgrims and make you stare at pictures of a rock that's NOT GOING ANYWHERE! Isn't this swell?!"
Yes. That's what Thanksgiving is to me. Now, I'm no History buff, but I have a feeling the Native Americans weren't too happy with the fact that a bunch of people from another country just like popped into their homes, gave them diseases that they hadn't had to worry about before, and then asked them how to survive. But hey, they managed to get a three day party out of it. Whoopee.

Things That Confuse or Frighten Me About Thanksgiving:

1. Why do we celebrate by eating untill we all end up in a turkey coma? And also, why are there no holidays for vegetarians? Thanksgiving, you focus around the turkey. Christmas and Easter are ham. Where's National Veggie Burger Appreciation Day? I demand answers.
2. Roanoke freaks me out beyond belief. The fact that an entire colony of people are just GONE?! DUDE! What happened? Cannibolistic angry Native Americans? Rabid squirrels? Either way, I'm pretty scared.
3. Why do we celebrate by eating? It seems like more of a drag to me. You have to get all dressed up and clean and make a huge amount of food so that you can sit there and eat and then it's over. Seriously? That's all? No presents? No egg hunt? LAME.
4. That feeling when everyone's done eating SUCKS. It's like you're all just sitting there, and you've finished eating in like fifteen minutes, and you look around and laugh nervously. . . It's just garbage. End of story.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that this holiday kind of bites. Bring on the Black Friday (As if I can actually go out.)

I Am Outcast

Currently I have nothing to blog about, other than the fact that I spent this entire day in my pajamas. I did absolutely nothing productive, other than clean my room and wash my bedding.
Currently, my friends and I are trying to work out a trip to New York City around Winter Break, because I want to see Billy Elliot so badly it makes me want to cry. However, we need a parental chaperon, or someone of that nature. If anyone would like to escort ten intelligent, responsible teenagers to New York, and get a great Broadway show out of it, please let me know. (Insert puppy dog pout here).

My English class just finished reading Speak by the talented Laurie Halse Anderson. As if I haven't read that novel sixty times already. Melinda's incredible cynicism never gets old to me. My English teacher asked us if we thought the novel is different in the perspectives of male and female readers. I wholeheartedly say Yes. Think about it. This is my only comment on the topic.

I have absoutely nothing to report. I suppose I'll make a list of things I am thankful for.

1. I suppose I should start with the obvious: My friends, my family, my health.

2. I'm even more thankful to my friends who have listened to my ramblings and musings at all hours, whenever I need them. I don't know where I'd be without you guys. A special thanks to:
-Jess K, my Big Sister schnuggle head. You always give me the best advice. I definately know that certain people in my life wouldn't be there if it weren't for your instructions to take risks.
-Jess F, my crazy schnuggs. It's with you that I know I can always be myself; My crazy, dancing, crumping, singing, wild self.
-Taylor, for just always getting what I'm saying. For obsessing over Twilight and other books with me.
-Kevin, for always explaining things I don't understand, and being okay with it when I still don't get it. For talking me through all of my problems, technical or not.
-Scrib, my Margie, for always listening to me. For helping me start to plan this incredible New York Trip!
-Sarah, my Harry Potter. For knowing me since my awkward years and still staying friends with me. For still going out in public with me.
-Meggles, for always listening to what I have to say. That's all I could ever ask for.
-Steph, last but not least. For being my best friend.
If you're not on here, you probably don't read this, or you are entitled to one full post dedicated entirely to you.
3. I am incredibly thankful for Stephenie Meyer, for writing Twilight, creating Edward Cullen, and sending my sanity down the drain.
4. The same goes for Sarah Dessen. Macon Faulkner ruined me.
5. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Jonas, The Pattinsons, and parents of every other Attractive Person to grace my walls. Just thank you. Now I'm officially crazy.
6. I'm thankful for my music. I don't know where I'd be without Jakeward, my iPod.

So yes. Those are my priorities. Family, friends, music, TWILIGHT TWILIGHT TWILIGHT! In no particular order, of course.
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. I plan on sleeping in and being thankful for pillows.

Most Men Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation and Go To The Grave With The Song Still In Them.

Perhaps you don't know me. I figured that since this is a blog available to anyone who can get to it, I should probably address the fact. Perhaps you think you know me, when really, like most, you don't. So, for these purposes, I decided I should make a list of One Hundred Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me.

1. I like to start with the basics.
2. My name is Jessica Danielle.
3. Most people call me Jess. Usually, they don't ask. I don't mind.
4. I would be more impressed if you asked me what I'd like to be called.
5. I'm afraid of almost anything.
6. No, it is not at all funny to me that I am terrified of frogs, other fast moving animals, the dark, worms, snakes, masks, most dolls, heights. . .
7. I am a vegetarian.
8. Most of the time, I hate when people ask me why. But to sum it up, it's better for me, the environment, and animals. There are other reasons, but that's all you're getting out of me.
9. I am incredibly indescicive.
10. I am often annoyed incredibly easily.
11. Usually, I won't say anything about it, just imagine myself saying something, and how it would play out.
12. I live in my imagination.
13. By this, I mean that I am often afraid to say or do many things, so I act them out like watching a movie in my mind. It sounds insane, but I like it.
14. When people ask me to tell them something about myself, I say that I'm one of five kids, dispersed across the globe.
15. I let my family define who I am, because the fact that I am the oldest of five really is who I am.
16. I am constantly singing or humming.
17. I like music. Sue me.
18. I bite my nails.
19. It's probably because I'm constantly stressed.
20. I have a closet full of clothes, and amazingly, nothing to wear. '
21. I take pride in my appearance because I know people will judge me no matter what happens.
22. I don't follow an organized religion, I just have a lot of beliefs.
23. I fail at Solitaire.
24. I'm incredibly sensitive. It's almost ridiculous.
25. I love weird things on Google.
26. Post Secret is the highlight of my week.
27. I hate school.
28. Don't ask me why. Chances are you either don't really care, won't get it, or I just plain don't want to tell you.
29. I love new school supplies.
30. I enjoy singing loudly, all the time.
31. I believe that music should be allowed in the classroom.
32. Maybe then I wouldn't be so on edge during my classes.
33. I'm incredibly quirky.
34. I love making people laugh.
35. I love people who make me laugh even more.
36. I'm ridiculously ticklish.
37. I tend to giggle when I laugh.
38. I hate my handwriting.
39. I love taking pictures.
40. I love to act. I'm at the point where I start to crave it.
41. Confession: When I'm alone in my room, I lock the door and pick up a book, reading and acting it aloud as if it's a monologue.
42. I love making lists.
43. I love my Vitamin Water. Take it away from me, and I will hurt you.
44. I like painting my nails black.
45. I also like seeing people of earlier generations' reactions to my black nails and eyeliner. They go nicely with plaid ballet flats and hair ribbons.
46. I like big purses.
47. I love high heels, yet can barely walk in them.
48. I am clumsy to the point where I count the amount of klutz-induced injuries I have per day, and end up needing two hands.
49. I don't care what you think, I love Perez Hilton.
50. I really like blogs.
51. Degrassi is my favorite show.
52. It makes me want to go to Canada more than I can even tell you.
53. I say "Basically" "Like" and "Creepin/Creeper" entirely too much.
54. My mind is always going entirely too quick for my own good.
55. I am a hopeless romantic.
56. I cry during 85% of the movies I see.
57. I like being called cute.
58. But only sometimes.
59. Confession: I find tattoos and lip rings incredibly attractive. I don't know why. But I do know that I about tackled the guy at Spirit with the lip ring. It's a problem.
60. I can't wait for the day when I see "Life Partner Baribe" or "Alternative Life Style Ken", because I believe that my generation is SO much more open minded about these things.
61. As much as I hate my generation now, when we grow up, we'll do great things. I can feel it.
62. I love quotes, in case you haven't noticed.
63. I secretly like awkward moments.
64. A very good friend of mine once told me that miracles can only come from risks.
65. Now, I take many more risks. I haven't had my miracle yet, but it's coming.
66. I have a lot of secrets.
67. Sometimes, I have to dance it out. Because I forget everything.
68. I want to get out of this town so incredibly badly.
69. I can never get enough sleep.
70. I frequently fight with my sister.
71. I wish we could be friends.
72. When I'm home alone, I sing really loudly because I'm afraid.
73. I love hugs more than I can even describe.
74. I love when people hold my hand.
75. When I start laughing, I can't stop.
76. I frequently walk into poles.
77. And door frames.
78. I love my grandparents.
79. I can go from so angry I'm throwing things, to bouncing off of the walls happy, to in tears in a matter of minutes.
80. I love to walk, and I wish I didn't live in this stupid town with no sidewalks so I could walk everywhere.
81. Sometimes, the things people say horrify me.
82. Usually I don't say anything.
83. Now I will.
84. "Dat" is not a word.
85. I hate when people use IM speak. TALK REGULARLY.
86. I love strange facts.
87. Sometimes, I just wish people would tell me what they're really thinking.
88. I love finding strange connections in the time.
89. For example, it's 8:38. There are two eights, and one three. Two (the number of eights) times three is six. Eight minus six equals two (the number of eights). See?
90. Sometimes, I just wish people would notice me.
91. I love to people watch.
92. I love accents.
93. At the moment, I feel like my head's going to explode.
94. I use this blog often to write letters to people I'm mad at. I'm going to start sending them.
95. I'm starting to figure out that being fearless is not the absense of fear, it's taking risks.
96. I think I want to be fearless.
97. All I really like to drink is juice.
98. I like to get dressed up. But usually I have no place to go.
99. It's 8:57.
100. I'm exhausted.

Now That I'm Sitting Here Thinking It Through, I've Never Been Anywhere Cold As You.

Well, I did it. I saw Twilight last night. It was amazing. I don't even know what else to say. I was basically shaking the entire two hours. Robert Pattinson is a beautiful creature. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Pattinson, for having such an amazing son. Really, THANK YOU.

In other news, I have found myself in the home of confusion in which I typically inhabit. I've been thinking a lot about everything. I've learned a lot lately. Not in school, but those excellent lessons that you learn on your own, and when they strike you, it's one of those moments where you just nod and say "Ohhhhhhhh".

Learnings Of My Life So Far:

-Nothing, or no one, is perfect.
-No matter what I do, it's not going to be right for someone, or someone's going to judge me. Recently I learned that sometimes, you have to stop worrying about other people, because you live for yourself.
-I've spent my entire life changing myself for other people. But now, I know that the only people who are worth being around are the ones who love me no matter how crazy I am.
-The people in my life are not perfect. However, if I did not have these people, and the baggage that comes with them, I would not know half of what I know today. I would not be half of who I am.
-No matter who you are in this town, no matter how long you've lived here, you're a Typical Dullsvillian. You go on exotic vacations. You don't understand why people are homeless; Can't they just ask Mommy and Daddy for money?! No matter how much of an individual you think you are, you must be individual in a group. Not everyone is this extreme, but there is a trace of TD in everyone. It must be in the water. I refuse to drink the water.
-People will always judge you. It's a reflex. It's uncontrollable, like a heartbeat.
-It really is a harsh world out there. Hi!School is this magnified, combined with a teaspoon of fake happiness and a pinch of hormones. Shake well and drink up.

We're reading Speak in English class. I've only read it half a million times. I'm running low on reading material. I'm finishing my last book from Steph, so untill Christmas, Twilight (Which I've read around thirty seven times by now), rereads and other class books will have to hold me over untill then.
Dream on.

I somehow went over my minutes last month. I don't even know how it happened, but now I'm terrified it'll happen again. Oh, how I love the feeling of uneasiness.

I had started writing a story. I have the entire thing mapped out in my mind, yet only a chapter done that I wrote weeks ago. I simply cannot motivate myself. The spark is gone.
I need to find a way to be inspired in this dreary, insipid town. . . Like that'll ever happen.

IT'S TIME!

OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
IT'S TODAY. TWILIGHT IS TODAY.
I don't think you could comprehend how excited I am. I have so much energy I could jump on my bed. I'm practically shaking. Because I, Jessica Danielle, am going to be staring at the most beautiful man on the face of the planet, for around two hours tonight at midnight, during the movie of my life.
Yes. Robert Pattinson. Yes, Twilight.

Do you see him there? I LOVE THAT MAN.
Okay, so basically I'm a little obsessed. Robert is currently emblazoned across my shirt. And I have Vamp fangs in my room (Even though Twilight vamps don't have fangs, it's all in fun.)
I AM SO PUMPED. OW OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes. I did just scream.
Anyway. Before I get too carried away, I'm going to go run around my house screaming at the top of my lungs.

I Never Paint Dreams or Nightmares. I Only Paint My Own Reality -Frida Kahlo

I had a nightmare last night. One of the ones where you wake up, and your eyes spring open, and you're afraid to move, because if you look behind your shoulder, what you're afraid will be there is going to be there, staring you in the face.
In the dream, I was a middle-aged mother of two girls. I had dark, short hair and no face (I can never see faces in dreams. It bothers me immensely.). I had just taken in another child, a little boy with short dark hair, and no name. For reasons of which I am not sure, I decided to name him Jesus. This struck me (The real me, not my dream self) as odd, because I'm not extremely religious. Anyway, Jesus and I were on a school bus with my husband (Who looked like the man from Rosanne. Gag) and my two daughters. Suddenly, I was watching my dream self, outside of my body, when something, a small devilish nymph thing started tugging on my hair (Strangely enough, my head is very sore this morning). I was screaming for help, but no one could hear me. We got to wherever it was we were headed to, and it was some type of fall festival.
Everyone in the town despised Jesus (So you know, it's very odd typing Jesus and not meaning Jesus Christ). I wasn't sure why. We were having a good time, and I was trying to socialize Jesus when everyone started circling around us. Their eyes turned red and they were saying that I had to choose between sacrificing Jesus or myself. I didn't want to die, but I knew I shouldn't sacrifice the boy. I was still outside of my body, shouting at myself not to let them take him. Suddenly, it was as if I had this revelation, like the kid actually WAS Jesus, incarnated or something, and I was living in a town of Satan incarnates. It was bizarre.
So, they took Jesus away, and they killed him, as I (The me outside my body) screamed in protest. My hair was being tugged on in all sorts of directions. Suddenly, we were in the same barn, and I was walking. I turned to look at my outer body self, and smiled, my eyes turning red like everyone else's. I finally realized that my out of body self was the only real me, because they had killed both Jesus and myself.
As I said, it was a very strange dream. Curious, this morning I looked up dream translations.
Jesus, The Child, represents a new phase in my life. How the child fares represents how this shange will fare.
The Death, represents change, usually dramatic and major. It also symbolizes confronting fear, usually of change or death. Sometimes they do symbolize an actual threat of some sort, or death.
People portrayed in dreams are often a reflection of your own traits.

So, I'm going to enter a very bad part of my life, and I will either be forced to confront my fear of death or change, I may be threatened or actually die, and I'm an evil person.

I think it's time I found a hobby.